Finding my way..

Searching the Psalms, scriptures, and the hearts of those around me, trying to find my way to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

That SAMARITAN woman, humphf!

Today's reading in the lectionary involved Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well.  She was one of THOSE Samaritans,  those people who worship God differently than I do, therefore they are wrong.  She  lived a blasphemous life, not like me,  "nearly perfect, in every way."   Do you KNOW how many men she had been with?  How many children she  had with all those men?  And, she was not even married to the one she lived  with?.... well, hide the chickens, and keep your children off the street.

We all know people like this, the sleazebag, the sinner, the woman of multiple men. We can't ever imagine being like that.  Why, she was horrible.

Yet, when the Scriptures were passed from God's mind to paper for our use,  this woman was remembered.  Why?  Out of all the women Jesus encountered in his ministry, surely there is someone more worthy of our time than this Jezebel.   I wouldn't let her eat at my table.

But I'm thinking like one of us.  I'm not thinking like Jesus.  "His thoughts are not our thoughts, his ways are not our ways."   I believe that is a very good thing, perhaps the best thing.  His ways are so far beyond what we are able to come up with ourselves.   When He sat at the well, and asked for a drink, this Jew, this man, this stranger --He knew that , according to worldly standards, He was asking for trouble.   He had no business taking anything from her unclean hand, this Samaritan woman, who didn't even know the place where God lives.  Just being seen in public alone with her would have had tongues wagging. 

 I often wonder, what was the look on His face that day , when Jesus offered her Living Water.   Did He have an understanding, loving look in his eye, one she had so seldom seen?  Did she feel that she was in the presence of God Himself?   Why didn't she back away and run off?   They  entered into a long conversation,   a discourse on worship, spirit, and her not-so-private life.   A note in my Orthodox Bible says that Samaritans didn't believe there were any more prophets after Moses, and yet,  she calls him a prophet.  At this point, I think He was starting to make her a little nervous. 

She then says, "I know that Messiah is coming.  When He comes, He will tell us all things."  What was she thinking  He would  say?  Was she expecting the answer she got?
Jesus said to her," I who speak to you am He."

At that point, I'm sure she dropped her water jug, and stood there with her mouth hanging open.  Here is the one that they, Samaritan and Jew, had been waiting for, the One who would save them.  What happened next?  Did they embrace?  Did she fall in prostration before Him?  Did He lift her up and pray with her?   John 4:28 says that she left her waterpot, went to find her friends and  called to  them, "Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did.  Could this be the Christ?"

They came to talk with Jesus and many became believers because of this. 

They knew they were taking a chance.  If Jesus, a complete stranger, could tell this woman ( she is called St. Photini in the Church) everything she had done, would He do the same to them?  Would you want all your neighbors to hear about your sins, right out there in public?  What was it about her that encouraged them to approach this Jewish stranger?   Maybe they saw a lightness about her, the lightness of confession, the lightness of forgiveness, the lightness of knowing Christ.  They wanted what this woman had, and suddenly, they didn't care about the cost.   To be offered Living Water, something that would cure their thirst, and give them everlasting life,  that must have been far beyond their dry, desert dreams.


 I want to drink deeply of His cup.  I want that living water to wash over me, not just my feet, but the whole shebang of me.  I want Him to look at me, face to face, deeply, with forgiveness, lightness, and wholeness.  I yearn for that kiss of peace.  My sins are no better or worse than St. Photini's, no matter how I line them up.  I know I will be forgiven, as she was.   I know Jesus will do this for me, unworthy as I am, because He loves us, however we come to Him.

Psalm 14

O Lord, who shall dwell in Your tabernacle?
Who shall live in Your holy mountain?
He who walks blamelessly, and works righteousness,
And speaks truth in his heart.
Who does not deceive with his tongue,
Neither does evil to his neighbor;
And does not find fault with those nearest him.
He disdains those who do evil in his presence,
But he holds in honor those who fear the Lord;
He swears an oath to his neighbor and does not set it aside. 
And he does not lend his money at interest,
And he does not take a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things shall never be shaken.

Dianne,  thirsting for Christ

Monday, May 2, 2011

Death of a Sinner, How Do We React?

Fresh off the heels of a wonderful Holy Week, Pascha, and Bright Week (Bright Week follows Pascha-Easter in the Orthodox world, it's the greatest event in the history of the world, we celebrate it for a week),  we go to bed on Sunday evening with the news of Osama bin Laden's death.  Wow.

We watched in horror as his plan of terror unfolded before our eyes on Sept. 11.  I remember sitting in my kitchen listening to Katie Couric talk to Matt Lauer about the first airplane when the second one hit.   I was stunned, as was every person watching or listening that day.  We watched as the people scrambled out of the buildings, those who could.  We watched people jumping from high floors to their deaths, we saw the towers fall, one after the other.  We watched firefighters and police officers going INTO the burning buildings.  It was unspeakable horror.  Then the news of the plane into the side of the Pentagon, and then the jet that went down in PA, filled with people who had more courage that day than all the rest of their lives combined.   The shock  and grief we have  carried around in our hearts for years, for some it will never go away. 


I also have a history in my family of my father's untimely death in 1981 in a single engine plane crash, cause never determined.  The other pilot, an Indiana state policeman, who lived,   was quoted as giving several different reasons why the plane crashed, most of which blamed my father, easy to do when the other guy is dead and can't answer you.   I had the occasion once of meeting his wife at a National Guard dinner with Bill when I was pregnant with Bailey.   I literally accosted her in the hallway and screamed anger and vitriol at her.  I was still so distraught at that time, so many years later, from the event.  I felt justified in letting her know how I felt about her lousy husband.  At the time it felt great, I could finally unload.  Later, it just lay in front of me, a mashed-up mess of emotions, anger, guilt, shame, pain, hatred.   It still didn't bring back my daddy.  

If I met that man now,  I probably would cry, I would probably be angry.  I would tell him about my family, my husband, my children, my niece, how they never knew my dad.  I would  walk away from him.  Feelings I have buried under layers of belly fat would come to the surface, as they are right now, and tears would flow.  I would hope that he would express some remorse, some regret, something.....    

I never knew how he felt about the crash, he has never contacted me.  He never spoke to my mother.

I know I should forgive him, I know I should let it go.    It was 30 years ago, for criminy's sake.  Mostly my feelings for him are dismissal, leave me alone, go away, I hate you.

So, I can understand the cheering crowds, the grieving widows, the broken mothers and fathers,  the children who are feeling vengence, justice,  and power this morning.   Their wounds have been torn wide open by this news.   I'm sure that they are feeling 10,000 feelings this morning.  Most are stunned, shocked, grieved, confused, rejoicing, cheering,,,,,

I have no scripture to throw at this...   sometimes just letting someone else "be" is the best I can do for them.

Dianne, Bob's little girl

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Day of the Betrayer

Today we chanted these words at Liturgy, on Holy Thursday.

The transgressor Judas, O Lord,
dipped his hand in the plate with You at supper.
But now, he unlawfully stretches forth his hand for silver.
He calculated the price of the woman’s myrrh,
yet he does not shudder in selling You, the priceless One.
He let the Master wash his feet,
yet he deceitfully kisses Him in betrayal to lawless men.
Cast out from the ranks of the Apostles,
he casts away the thirty pieces of silver,
not seeing the Resurrection on the third day.//
By it, have mercy on us!

I cannot think of a better representation of "seeing the mote in your neighbor's eye, while ignoring the plank in your own"  than the complaint of Judas about the woman who washed Jesus' feet with the precious oil, and wiped them with her hair, and then Judas kissing the face of his Savior in betrayal.

Except perhaps my own betrayal of Jesus every day.  I don't speak his name when I should.  I don't ask for forgiveness because I believe I am without sin.  I  ignore those around me who need love, I speak foul words against their character.  I think I am superior to "them,"  whoever the "them" of the day is.  I waste--time, money, resources.    I break bonds of kinship with angry words.   I sin against love in my heart.
I am selfish, I am greedy.   I don't love others as I love myself. 

How many times do I have to sell Jesus before I'll stop?



Am I in a better place than Judas, that I should see the Resurrection?  

Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Oh, Lord Jesus, come quickly!!

Dianne, a sinner



Sunday, April 10, 2011

Simple Gratitude? Got it?

I have been corresponding with a homeschool/Orthodox friend, Daniel Goshorn-Maroney, who is currently a Peace Corps volunteer in Togo, a tiny west African nation.  He recently posted on his blog--

The reason why I got a soccer ball for the kids was because I was tired of watching them play soccer with cans, balls of rags, or ripped up rubber balls. Really anything here works as a toy. My second host brother, Adjay, likes to chase around an old moto tire. Old bicycle hubs nailed to sticks seem popular, as does about any manner of junk or trash that no longer has any other use.
I got more actual toys for Christmas when I was 8 than kids in Nampoch get in their entire lives.   

Think about that for a minute.   Really, think about it.  Now, look around the room you are sitting in.  How much "stuff" do you have?  How much stuff do your kids have?  Can you live without it?  Have you ever gone "without?"

Many of you know that we have an adopted son from Kazakhstan.  When we gathered this boy into our family, he had, literally, nothing.  He didn't even get to keep the shirt on his back, or the pants on his behind.  We had to give them back for the next kid to enter the orphanage.  He was missing many things in life, that you and I take for granted every day.  Family, friends, clothing, toys, books,  enough food, enough love.  Can you live without those things?  Have you ever?  


Lent is our time to search inwardly, to be "weeding out" our internal "stuff."   Weeding out sin, weeding out anger, unforgiveness, pain, resentment, greed,,,,,,,

While we are doing these hard things,   may we also take time to thank our God for the many blessings we have, that we shamefully take for granted everyday.

Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.

Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for the clothes on my back, the family at my table, the love we share, our warm, sturdy home, continued good health, my husband's job.

Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for running water, a soft bed, safe travel, enough food, more clothes than I can keep clean,  more books than I can keep picked up, more stuff than I can manage in this big house. 

Lord, Jesus Christ,  thank you for the leisure time I have, the flowers I can grow, the yarn I pile up, the cars we drive, the gas we can afford.

Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for my washing machine, my dishwasher, my refrigerator, my shower, my television, my computer, my telephone.  

Maybe some of this sounds silly, but trying going without.  Try carrying all your water tomorrow.  Try walking to work.  Try handwashing all your clothes.  Try sleeping on the floor. Try going without love.



What do you have that you can send up thanks and praise for today?



I always try to wrap up with Scripture, but today, a little difference.
Here's a great old Lutheran hymn that popped into my head as I was typing .
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/n/o/nowthank.htm

Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,
Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts and blessèd peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills, in this world and the next!
All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given;
The Son and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God, whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.

Dianne,  a practitioner of gratitude

Thursday, March 10, 2011

What's Up With Lent?

Several people read this blog that are not Orthodox, but are my friends on Facebook.  So I will explain a little bit about what we do during this time.

Fasting plays a great part, but is not the sole reason for Lent.  It is part of learning obedience, and to lead you into a more prayerful life.  Less time spent on food, more time for God.   Two weeks before, we have Meatfare week, which is a time to clean out the cupboards and refrigerator of meat products.  The next week is Cheesefare week, which is a time to clean out and eat up all the dairy.  Then during Lent, we are expected to eat a mostly vegan diet.  This week ended last Sunday night with Forgiveness Sunday service, the official start to Lent.  The Forgiveness Service is a time for everyone in the parish to recognize the need to forgive because God forgives.  I have a hard time with this one, because forgiveness is  a practice I've had to teach myself,  I am not a very forgiving person.  Shamefully, I must admit that I didn't go this year. 

During this first week of Lent we have several services.  The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, which involves lots of prostrations, speaks of our need for mercy and forgiveness from God.   We are also reminded that Jesus Christ was born of the flesh of a woman and from the Spirit, so that He is fully God and fully man.  Many people are mistaken about the use of Mary in our worship.   Mary is called forth as a reminder of this miracle of God's presence among us.  

Anyway,  on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent we have Presanctified Liturgy.  We are not allowed to have a full communion service during the weeks of Lent, only on Sundays, so the priest prepares enough bread and wine on Sundays to last for two more services during the week.  We are to fast prior to these services, so usually there is a vegetarian soup supper afterwards at our church on Wednesdays. 

 Someone asked what "Liturgy" is, it  means work, which is what we do when we worship and sacrifice our praise to God.   It involves sets of prayers, or litanies,  and reading of Psalms, OT or NT reading,  the Gospel,  and hymns to God,  a remembrance of a particular saint or event in Bible,  and a homily, or sermon, usually on the daily Bible reading.  The service culminates in serving of the Eucharist.  

Lent is a time for asking forgiveness, searching yourself,  weeding out the bad, filling the empty space with good.  Coming closer to God through prayer.  Sure, you can do this all year long, but who has that sense of commitment?   I know that around the world, millions of people , Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, and others who chose to,  are struggling right along with me.  I can make another pot of beans because I know there are millions of other moms doing the same thing.   I can get on my knees without too much self-consciousness because I know others are also.   I can "stop the noise"  and read my Bible.  I can take food to the food pantry.  I can ask forgiveness of those around me for sins I have committed against them.  I can start to forgive others. Yes, yes, I can.  I should. I have, I will continue, because I need the practice, and I'm lousy with sin myself.

If you are in Lent,   let's do it together, pressing on toward the goal of Jesus Christ, our Glorious Pascha!
Pascha means Passover in Greek.  Jesus came to fulfill all that was prepared before Him in the OT.  He is the Passover.   The One who gets us to God. 

Hebrews 12: 1  Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Dianne , who needs to do it all better

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Will there be enough evidence to convict me?

What if we lived in a country that was not Christian friendly?  What if any evidence found against me could get me thrown into prison, my livelihood taken away, my meeting place burned down, and my family separated, or murdered?

Would there be enough evidence in my life to convict me? 

I think we live in a time and place in America where being Christian is an easy thing.  I can wear a bracelet with WWJD?  on it.  How about an "In God We Trust" license plate, provided by the state?  THAT would make me easy to track as I cut off the guy in the next lane, and shake my fist at him.  I can slap a "fish" sticker right there on my bumper, just in case anyone is confused by my actual behavior.  Yea, boy, they'd know I'm a Christian, because when I get out of my car at the movie theater to watch a less than stellar movie, I'd have on my "__________________"*  t-shirt.

*insert any catchy "I'm cool 'cause I'm a Christian, and you're not"  phrase

If the thought police listened to my music collection, would I have anything there to convict me?  I'm not a great lover of "Christian radio music,"  so that wouldn't be there to confuse them.  You know the stuff,  the singers dress, act, and sing like secular artists, but insert God occasionally, and try to sound sincere as their sales soar, and THEIR name is on everyone's lips at the awards shows.   What about the movies I rent?  The books I read?  The groups I belong to? What do I allow my children access to?  Would that convict me of being Christian? 

Lately, my priest, Father Joel, has been calling our attention during prayers  to Christians around the world who are in peril because of the governments that rule them.  Egypt, Iraq, Indonesia, China...... the list goes on.  In some of these places, just having a Bible, or not attending Mosque could get your house ransacked, burned, or your family assaulted.  Would I still get up on Sunday mornings for liturgy (the work of the church, the communion service)and leave my house if I knew there would be a spy at the end of the street writing down my name?

Several faith traditions within Christianity revere saints.  We name them at services, we have their pictures or icons on our walls, we name our churches and schools for them.  We hold up them up as testimony to lives given in worship of the Trinity.  I don't necessarily want to die the bloody death of a martyr,  as those mentioned in Hebrews 11.  I just wonder where I would be if  anti-Christian troops marched down my street.

One 20th century martyr, St. John of Chicago, lived close enough in time for me to relate to his sainthood, and to his stand against anti-Christian forces.   He was a Russian priest who came to America in the late 1800's  to start churches and schools in the Chicago area.  He returned to Russia and on Oct. 31, 1917, during a revolutionary battle in his town, he and other priests started prayer services "for the victory of the Cossacks"..

 "The priests were captured and sent to the headquarters of the Council of the Workers and Soldier Deputies. A priest, Fr John Kochurov, was trying to protest and to clarify the situation. He was hit several times on his face. With cheers and yelling the enraged mob conveyed him to the Tsarskoye Selo aerodrome. Several rifles were raised against the defenseless pastor. A shot thundered out, then another, after which the priest fell down on the ground, and blood spilled upon his cassock. Death did not come to him immediately... He was pulled by his hair, and somebody suggested, Finish him off like a dog. The next morning the body was brought into the former palace hospital."
http://sainttikhons.org/St._John_Kochurov.html

I wouldn't fault any Russian  Christians who ran and hid that day.  Many who gathered to pray and worship during this battle knew that they wouldn't  make it home.  Their lives were testimony to the presence that God had in their lives.

My shirt for the today should say  "WWIBWTCFTC?*

*Where Will I Be When They Come For The Christians?

I hope there is enough evidence to convict me.



Hebrews 11:35-37...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection.  Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment..  They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.

Dianne, not worthy

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Unbelievable Renewal

We've had a hard, long, cold, icy winter here in the midwest.  Most conversation usually turns to "no more snow, or the weather man is outa here."   We're sick and tired of it.  The yards are brown, the driveways are muddy, the cars are dirty, and our spirits are down. 

But the promise of spring is just around the corner.  I saw green poking up in our church garden on Sunday.  I even waded  into the mud in  my good shoes to pull back dead leaves to find daylilies inviting themselves into the sun.  That gave me a little sweet surprise, something to pull out and remember throughout a busy week.

I also watched a gardening show this week on television.  It's a good thing we don't have cable, or I'd be on Home and Garden station all the time.   The demonstrators  were walking through a magnificent, green, abundant, lush, full tropical garden, I could almost smell it.  The weird thing was that I had almost forgotten what that was like.  It was as if  I was Alice, looking through a glass into another existence.  People in t-shirts and shorts,  a soft breeze, sunshine,  green everywhere, it gave me quite a yearning to be there.    It seemed like spring and summer were just a far off dream, somewhere we will never get to this year.  I felt I had peeked into paradise.

Then I wondered about what Heaven will be like.  In Orthodoxy, when we join together in liturgy, the communion service, we believe we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven, that we are surrounded by clouds of witnesses  (Hebrews 12:1). We say-- "Blessed is the Kingdom, of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen."   

 But there is more to the Kingdom than this earthly existence we share.   Infinitely more. What of the Heaven that we are told of in the last chapters of Revelation?    All this, all that surrounds us, our earth, our homes, our stuff, will all pass away, and we will be living with a new heaven and a new earth.   There will be no sea,  nothing to separate us, or make us different.  We will be in union with God.  We will be the bride, he will be the Groom.  And it won't be an earthly marriage, one that can be tossed away, but one that keeps us eternally joined to God.  It was revealed to St. John in Revelation 21 that EVERY tear will be wiped away,  there will be no more death, no more sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain.   All former things will pass. 

When we were children, didn't we want our parents to wipe away our tears, take away the pain, the sorrow, and the little deaths we suffered through every day?   Most people reading this blog are adults,  and for many, there is no one who fills this roll on earth any more.   I know many who are suffering terrible pain, loss, and hurt, I can't take it away,  I can't wipe away all the silent, unshed tears.  I can help,  but really, at the end of the day, it is still there, haunting dreams, and stealing sleep.

Imagine this perfect world that is waiting for us.  Imagine our heavenly Father,  taking away all the past.  We won't even have a memory of our pains, sorrows, and tears.   All will be new and fresh, just like in that gardening show, only much better--an unbelievable place, full of love and our eternal  union with God. 

Enter Lent with the image of this perfect Heaven in your heart and mind.  This is our ultimate goal,  this is where our souls yearn to be.   Wake up in the mornings, sure of the knowledge that God will lead us there.  He wants to take away all that troubles you, all the pain, sorrow, and hurt.  He wants us to live forever with Him in Heaven, in a beautiful, perfect place.


From Revelation 22:17  And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!"  And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come.  Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.  

Dianne
yearning for union with God