Several people read this blog that are not Orthodox, but are my friends on Facebook. So I will explain a little bit about what we do during this time.
Fasting plays a great part, but is not the sole reason for Lent. It is part of learning obedience, and to lead you into a more prayerful life. Less time spent on food, more time for God. Two weeks before, we have Meatfare week, which is a time to clean out the cupboards and refrigerator of meat products. The next week is Cheesefare week, which is a time to clean out and eat up all the dairy. Then during Lent, we are expected to eat a mostly vegan diet. This week ended last Sunday night with Forgiveness Sunday service, the official start to Lent. The Forgiveness Service is a time for everyone in the parish to recognize the need to forgive because God forgives. I have a hard time with this one, because forgiveness is a practice I've had to teach myself, I am not a very forgiving person. Shamefully, I must admit that I didn't go this year.
During this first week of Lent we have several services. The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, which involves lots of prostrations, speaks of our need for mercy and forgiveness from God. We are also reminded that Jesus Christ was born of the flesh of a woman and from the Spirit, so that He is fully God and fully man. Many people are mistaken about the use of Mary in our worship. Mary is called forth as a reminder of this miracle of God's presence among us.
Anyway, on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent we have Presanctified Liturgy. We are not allowed to have a full communion service during the weeks of Lent, only on Sundays, so the priest prepares enough bread and wine on Sundays to last for two more services during the week. We are to fast prior to these services, so usually there is a vegetarian soup supper afterwards at our church on Wednesdays.
Someone asked what "Liturgy" is, it means work, which is what we do when we worship and sacrifice our praise to God. It involves sets of prayers, or litanies, and reading of Psalms, OT or NT reading, the Gospel, and hymns to God, a remembrance of a particular saint or event in Bible, and a homily, or sermon, usually on the daily Bible reading. The service culminates in serving of the Eucharist.
Lent is a time for asking forgiveness, searching yourself, weeding out the bad, filling the empty space with good. Coming closer to God through prayer. Sure, you can do this all year long, but who has that sense of commitment? I know that around the world, millions of people , Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, and others who chose to, are struggling right along with me. I can make another pot of beans because I know there are millions of other moms doing the same thing. I can get on my knees without too much self-consciousness because I know others are also. I can "stop the noise" and read my Bible. I can take food to the food pantry. I can ask forgiveness of those around me for sins I have committed against them. I can start to forgive others. Yes, yes, I can. I should. I have, I will continue, because I need the practice, and I'm lousy with sin myself.
If you are in Lent, let's do it together, pressing on toward the goal of Jesus Christ, our Glorious Pascha!
Pascha means Passover in Greek. Jesus came to fulfill all that was prepared before Him in the OT. He is the Passover. The One who gets us to God.
Hebrews 12: 1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Dianne , who needs to do it all better
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Will there be enough evidence to convict me?
What if we lived in a country that was not Christian friendly? What if any evidence found against me could get me thrown into prison, my livelihood taken away, my meeting place burned down, and my family separated, or murdered?
Would there be enough evidence in my life to convict me?
I think we live in a time and place in America where being Christian is an easy thing. I can wear a bracelet with WWJD? on it. How about an "In God We Trust" license plate, provided by the state? THAT would make me easy to track as I cut off the guy in the next lane, and shake my fist at him. I can slap a "fish" sticker right there on my bumper, just in case anyone is confused by my actual behavior. Yea, boy, they'd know I'm a Christian, because when I get out of my car at the movie theater to watch a less than stellar movie, I'd have on my "__________________"* t-shirt.
*insert any catchy "I'm cool 'cause I'm a Christian, and you're not" phrase
If the thought police listened to my music collection, would I have anything there to convict me? I'm not a great lover of "Christian radio music," so that wouldn't be there to confuse them. You know the stuff, the singers dress, act, and sing like secular artists, but insert God occasionally, and try to sound sincere as their sales soar, and THEIR name is on everyone's lips at the awards shows. What about the movies I rent? The books I read? The groups I belong to? What do I allow my children access to? Would that convict me of being Christian?
Lately, my priest, Father Joel, has been calling our attention during prayers to Christians around the world who are in peril because of the governments that rule them. Egypt, Iraq, Indonesia, China...... the list goes on. In some of these places, just having a Bible, or not attending Mosque could get your house ransacked, burned, or your family assaulted. Would I still get up on Sunday mornings for liturgy (the work of the church, the communion service)and leave my house if I knew there would be a spy at the end of the street writing down my name?
Several faith traditions within Christianity revere saints. We name them at services, we have their pictures or icons on our walls, we name our churches and schools for them. We hold up them up as testimony to lives given in worship of the Trinity. I don't necessarily want to die the bloody death of a martyr, as those mentioned in Hebrews 11. I just wonder where I would be if anti-Christian troops marched down my street.
One 20th century martyr, St. John of Chicago, lived close enough in time for me to relate to his sainthood, and to his stand against anti-Christian forces. He was a Russian priest who came to America in the late 1800's to start churches and schools in the Chicago area. He returned to Russia and on Oct. 31, 1917, during a revolutionary battle in his town, he and other priests started prayer services "for the victory of the Cossacks"..
"The priests were captured and sent to the headquarters of the Council of the Workers and Soldier Deputies. A priest, Fr John Kochurov, was trying to protest and to clarify the situation. He was hit several times on his face. With cheers and yelling the enraged mob conveyed him to the Tsarskoye Selo aerodrome. Several rifles were raised against the defenseless pastor. A shot thundered out, then another, after which the priest fell down on the ground, and blood spilled upon his cassock. Death did not come to him immediately... He was pulled by his hair, and somebody suggested, Finish him off like a dog. The next morning the body was brought into the former palace hospital."
http://sainttikhons.org/St._John_Kochurov.html
I wouldn't fault any Russian Christians who ran and hid that day. Many who gathered to pray and worship during this battle knew that they wouldn't make it home. Their lives were testimony to the presence that God had in their lives.
My shirt for the today should say "WWIBWTCFTC?*
*Where Will I Be When They Come For The Christians?
I hope there is enough evidence to convict me.
Hebrews 11:35-37...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment.. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.
Dianne, not worthy
Would there be enough evidence in my life to convict me?
I think we live in a time and place in America where being Christian is an easy thing. I can wear a bracelet with WWJD? on it. How about an "In God We Trust" license plate, provided by the state? THAT would make me easy to track as I cut off the guy in the next lane, and shake my fist at him. I can slap a "fish" sticker right there on my bumper, just in case anyone is confused by my actual behavior. Yea, boy, they'd know I'm a Christian, because when I get out of my car at the movie theater to watch a less than stellar movie, I'd have on my "__________________"* t-shirt.
*insert any catchy "I'm cool 'cause I'm a Christian, and you're not" phrase
If the thought police listened to my music collection, would I have anything there to convict me? I'm not a great lover of "Christian radio music," so that wouldn't be there to confuse them. You know the stuff, the singers dress, act, and sing like secular artists, but insert God occasionally, and try to sound sincere as their sales soar, and THEIR name is on everyone's lips at the awards shows. What about the movies I rent? The books I read? The groups I belong to? What do I allow my children access to? Would that convict me of being Christian?
Lately, my priest, Father Joel, has been calling our attention during prayers to Christians around the world who are in peril because of the governments that rule them. Egypt, Iraq, Indonesia, China...... the list goes on. In some of these places, just having a Bible, or not attending Mosque could get your house ransacked, burned, or your family assaulted. Would I still get up on Sunday mornings for liturgy (the work of the church, the communion service)and leave my house if I knew there would be a spy at the end of the street writing down my name?
Several faith traditions within Christianity revere saints. We name them at services, we have their pictures or icons on our walls, we name our churches and schools for them. We hold up them up as testimony to lives given in worship of the Trinity. I don't necessarily want to die the bloody death of a martyr, as those mentioned in Hebrews 11. I just wonder where I would be if anti-Christian troops marched down my street.
One 20th century martyr, St. John of Chicago, lived close enough in time for me to relate to his sainthood, and to his stand against anti-Christian forces. He was a Russian priest who came to America in the late 1800's to start churches and schools in the Chicago area. He returned to Russia and on Oct. 31, 1917, during a revolutionary battle in his town, he and other priests started prayer services "for the victory of the Cossacks"..
"The priests were captured and sent to the headquarters of the Council of the Workers and Soldier Deputies. A priest, Fr John Kochurov, was trying to protest and to clarify the situation. He was hit several times on his face. With cheers and yelling the enraged mob conveyed him to the Tsarskoye Selo aerodrome. Several rifles were raised against the defenseless pastor. A shot thundered out, then another, after which the priest fell down on the ground, and blood spilled upon his cassock. Death did not come to him immediately... He was pulled by his hair, and somebody suggested, Finish him off like a dog. The next morning the body was brought into the former palace hospital."
http://sainttikhons.org/St._John_Kochurov.html
I wouldn't fault any Russian Christians who ran and hid that day. Many who gathered to pray and worship during this battle knew that they wouldn't make it home. Their lives were testimony to the presence that God had in their lives.
My shirt for the today should say "WWIBWTCFTC?*
*Where Will I Be When They Come For The Christians?
I hope there is enough evidence to convict me.
Hebrews 11:35-37...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment.. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.
Dianne, not worthy
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Unbelievable Renewal
We've had a hard, long, cold, icy winter here in the midwest. Most conversation usually turns to "no more snow, or the weather man is outa here." We're sick and tired of it. The yards are brown, the driveways are muddy, the cars are dirty, and our spirits are down.
But the promise of spring is just around the corner. I saw green poking up in our church garden on Sunday. I even waded into the mud in my good shoes to pull back dead leaves to find daylilies inviting themselves into the sun. That gave me a little sweet surprise, something to pull out and remember throughout a busy week.
I also watched a gardening show this week on television. It's a good thing we don't have cable, or I'd be on Home and Garden station all the time. The demonstrators were walking through a magnificent, green, abundant, lush, full tropical garden, I could almost smell it. The weird thing was that I had almost forgotten what that was like. It was as if I was Alice, looking through a glass into another existence. People in t-shirts and shorts, a soft breeze, sunshine, green everywhere, it gave me quite a yearning to be there. It seemed like spring and summer were just a far off dream, somewhere we will never get to this year. I felt I had peeked into paradise.
Then I wondered about what Heaven will be like. In Orthodoxy, when we join together in liturgy, the communion service, we believe we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven, that we are surrounded by clouds of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). We say-- "Blessed is the Kingdom, of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen."
But there is more to the Kingdom than this earthly existence we share. Infinitely more. What of the Heaven that we are told of in the last chapters of Revelation? All this, all that surrounds us, our earth, our homes, our stuff, will all pass away, and we will be living with a new heaven and a new earth. There will be no sea, nothing to separate us, or make us different. We will be in union with God. We will be the bride, he will be the Groom. And it won't be an earthly marriage, one that can be tossed away, but one that keeps us eternally joined to God. It was revealed to St. John in Revelation 21 that EVERY tear will be wiped away, there will be no more death, no more sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain. All former things will pass.
When we were children, didn't we want our parents to wipe away our tears, take away the pain, the sorrow, and the little deaths we suffered through every day? Most people reading this blog are adults, and for many, there is no one who fills this roll on earth any more. I know many who are suffering terrible pain, loss, and hurt, I can't take it away, I can't wipe away all the silent, unshed tears. I can help, but really, at the end of the day, it is still there, haunting dreams, and stealing sleep.
Imagine this perfect world that is waiting for us. Imagine our heavenly Father, taking away all the past. We won't even have a memory of our pains, sorrows, and tears. All will be new and fresh, just like in that gardening show, only much better--an unbelievable place, full of love and our eternal union with God.
Enter Lent with the image of this perfect Heaven in your heart and mind. This is our ultimate goal, this is where our souls yearn to be. Wake up in the mornings, sure of the knowledge that God will lead us there. He wants to take away all that troubles you, all the pain, sorrow, and hurt. He wants us to live forever with Him in Heaven, in a beautiful, perfect place.
From Revelation 22:17 And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.
Dianne
yearning for union with God
But the promise of spring is just around the corner. I saw green poking up in our church garden on Sunday. I even waded into the mud in my good shoes to pull back dead leaves to find daylilies inviting themselves into the sun. That gave me a little sweet surprise, something to pull out and remember throughout a busy week.
I also watched a gardening show this week on television. It's a good thing we don't have cable, or I'd be on Home and Garden station all the time. The demonstrators were walking through a magnificent, green, abundant, lush, full tropical garden, I could almost smell it. The weird thing was that I had almost forgotten what that was like. It was as if I was Alice, looking through a glass into another existence. People in t-shirts and shorts, a soft breeze, sunshine, green everywhere, it gave me quite a yearning to be there. It seemed like spring and summer were just a far off dream, somewhere we will never get to this year. I felt I had peeked into paradise.
Then I wondered about what Heaven will be like. In Orthodoxy, when we join together in liturgy, the communion service, we believe we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven, that we are surrounded by clouds of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). We say-- "Blessed is the Kingdom, of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen."
But there is more to the Kingdom than this earthly existence we share. Infinitely more. What of the Heaven that we are told of in the last chapters of Revelation? All this, all that surrounds us, our earth, our homes, our stuff, will all pass away, and we will be living with a new heaven and a new earth. There will be no sea, nothing to separate us, or make us different. We will be in union with God. We will be the bride, he will be the Groom. And it won't be an earthly marriage, one that can be tossed away, but one that keeps us eternally joined to God. It was revealed to St. John in Revelation 21 that EVERY tear will be wiped away, there will be no more death, no more sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain. All former things will pass.
When we were children, didn't we want our parents to wipe away our tears, take away the pain, the sorrow, and the little deaths we suffered through every day? Most people reading this blog are adults, and for many, there is no one who fills this roll on earth any more. I know many who are suffering terrible pain, loss, and hurt, I can't take it away, I can't wipe away all the silent, unshed tears. I can help, but really, at the end of the day, it is still there, haunting dreams, and stealing sleep.
Imagine this perfect world that is waiting for us. Imagine our heavenly Father, taking away all the past. We won't even have a memory of our pains, sorrows, and tears. All will be new and fresh, just like in that gardening show, only much better--an unbelievable place, full of love and our eternal union with God.
Enter Lent with the image of this perfect Heaven in your heart and mind. This is our ultimate goal, this is where our souls yearn to be. Wake up in the mornings, sure of the knowledge that God will lead us there. He wants to take away all that troubles you, all the pain, sorrow, and hurt. He wants us to live forever with Him in Heaven, in a beautiful, perfect place.
From Revelation 22:17 And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.
Dianne
yearning for union with God
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Hating My Will
This will be a hard one to write. I just had to listen to my own will, and use my mouth to wound another person, a teenage girl, for pity's sake, someone who just hit me wrong with an attitude that maybe she didn't even realize she was projecting. I just HAD to dump on her, I just HAD to show HER who was superior, I just HAD to triumph. Well, and shouldn't I feel all superior, since I was able to do all that? I put her in her place. I let her know that I wasn't going to take any nonsense from her, the bug on the wall that I think she is.
Sheesh...
What a creep...
Jesus said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. " Matt 6:14-15
There's no wishy-washy there, there's no "well, you were justified in your feelings," or "okay, you were having a bad day." Or, how about my favorite excuse?
--"because it made me feel better/bigger/older/wiser/."..ad naseum.
Jesus said IF you forgive , you are forgiven.
If I don't forgive, he won't forgive me. Period.
Now I gotta go into dance class, with my big girl pants on, and humble myself to a 16 year-old girl. My own stupid fault. My own stupid will. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But if I don't forgive, if I don't humble myself to her, what has she learned from an older Christian woman? Anger is justified. Rudeness can be justified. You can say what you want, no matter the outcome, and then ignore the results. Forgiveness is not necessary. Asking forgiveness is not necessary. Follow your feelings.
Not something I want someone else teaching my kids, so I guess I had better not teach them to her mother's child.
Jesus said to the crowd,"But those things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies, These are the things that defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man." Matt. 15: 18-20
My first lesson of Lent. I know it doesn't start until next Sunday night, but this year, it came for me early.
Dianne, a sinner
Note from author, after losing sleep over this.
I guess this is not so much about me forgiving her, as it is me getting past the thing she did that I reacted to.
I have to forgive her first, "get over it," to see my own smutty sin in my reaction, to not hold a grudge, to not feel superior in my "besting" of her.
Sort of like "Why should I apologize, she deserved it!" Not a great attitude to carry around with me.
Sheesh...
What a creep...
Jesus said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. " Matt 6:14-15
There's no wishy-washy there, there's no "well, you were justified in your feelings," or "okay, you were having a bad day." Or, how about my favorite excuse?
--"because it made me feel better/bigger/older/wiser/."..ad naseum.
Jesus said IF you forgive , you are forgiven.
If I don't forgive, he won't forgive me. Period.
Now I gotta go into dance class, with my big girl pants on, and humble myself to a 16 year-old girl. My own stupid fault. My own stupid will. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But if I don't forgive, if I don't humble myself to her, what has she learned from an older Christian woman? Anger is justified. Rudeness can be justified. You can say what you want, no matter the outcome, and then ignore the results. Forgiveness is not necessary. Asking forgiveness is not necessary. Follow your feelings.
Not something I want someone else teaching my kids, so I guess I had better not teach them to her mother's child.
Jesus said to the crowd,"But those things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies, These are the things that defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man." Matt. 15: 18-20
My first lesson of Lent. I know it doesn't start until next Sunday night, but this year, it came for me early.
Dianne, a sinner
Note from author, after losing sleep over this.
I guess this is not so much about me forgiving her, as it is me getting past the thing she did that I reacted to.
I have to forgive her first, "get over it," to see my own smutty sin in my reaction, to not hold a grudge, to not feel superior in my "besting" of her.
Sort of like "Why should I apologize, she deserved it!" Not a great attitude to carry around with me.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Nailed by My Sins at Vespers, Again
Feb. 22--Today we commemorate the Nine Righteous Children of Kola who were martyred in the 6th century, in southern Georgia, they chose Christ over their pagan families. They were stoned to death by their parents. http://ocafs.oca.org/FeastSaintsViewer.asp?FSID=103817
My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night, it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings. We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world. I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v. There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else, so I guess I'm not missing much.
Every week it's the same old thing, read the Psalms, say the prayers, kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards. We Orthodox love our written prayers, they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think.
So what does God do about this? He wrote those Psalms a long time ago. Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out. A little check list, of sorts. "Okay, Dianne, you heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"
The words that nail me to my own cross are
Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.
Ouch! I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind. I have a mouth, and I use it for sin. I use it for excuses for those sins. I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin. I can divert others' attention away from my sin. I use my tongue to point out the sins of others. I complain with those lips. I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips. And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids, and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice. I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.
So why put myself through all that? Why not be my own Self, live the way I want to? Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better?
Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin. He is the most authentic lover of my soul. He knows I struggle daily. He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all. He still loves me.
I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me. No matter what passes my lips, he forgives me. He lets me get up and try again tomorrow. Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have.
During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian, and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be. At the feet of Christ, unworthy.
a link to St. Ephem's prayer, and commentary by Fr. Alexander Schmemann
please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers, our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.
Lord, have mercy.
Dianne, a sinner
My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night, it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings. We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world. I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v. There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else, so I guess I'm not missing much.
Every week it's the same old thing, read the Psalms, say the prayers, kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards. We Orthodox love our written prayers, they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think.
So what does God do about this? He wrote those Psalms a long time ago. Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out. A little check list, of sorts. "Okay, Dianne, you heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"
The words that nail me to my own cross are
Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.
Ouch! I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind. I have a mouth, and I use it for sin. I use it for excuses for those sins. I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin. I can divert others' attention away from my sin. I use my tongue to point out the sins of others. I complain with those lips. I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips. And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids, and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice. I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.
So why put myself through all that? Why not be my own Self, live the way I want to? Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better?
Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin. He is the most authentic lover of my soul. He knows I struggle daily. He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all. He still loves me.
I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me. No matter what passes my lips, he forgives me. He lets me get up and try again tomorrow. Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have.
During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian, and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be. At the feet of Christ, unworthy.
O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk. But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant. Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother; For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen
please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers, our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.
Lord, have mercy.
Dianne, a sinner
Friday, February 18, 2011
Not a Very Sweet Dream
Lord, Have Mercy.
I have frequent, vivid dreams, many I remember fully when I wake up, to my husband's chagrin. I usually make him stand there and listen to it all, while his stomach is growling.
Early this morning, I dreamed I was somewhere in Indianapolis with Bill. He wanted me to stay with him there so we could go home together. I just really didn't want that. I wanted to go off by myself and do as I pleased. I wanted so badly to go to this fantastic new shopping place near Indianapolis, where I would be perfectly happy. No one knew exactly where it was, it was just somewhere "over there" on the Indy map. I drove downtown, parked on a street, took out a huge bag of "stuff" and started walking. I also had on a man's suit jacket and some shorts. I finally got to where I thought I wanted to be. It was not really what I thought it would be at all. Bill showed up there, and wanted me to go home with him, and not be out there by myself. I threw a fit, took everything out of my bulging bag, threw it on the ground, and took off in a huff, I was going to do what I wanted to do, hang him. I then buttoned up the suit jacket, and it appeared that I had on no garments underneath. I was not dressed well at all for what I wanted to be doing, hanging out downtown wasting time, feeding my own wants and cravings. Well, suddenly I was in a dark, lonely building, trying to put my walking shoes on. I came down the stairs, and two really creepy guys tried to grab me. I ran out of the building and down the street, back towards my car. There were empty lots and old buildings everywhere I looked, nothing new. or exciting, nothing that would draw me in, nothing at all like I thought it should look. I was afraid of walking by myself, there were crowds of people walking about, all in this wasteland of emptiness. I thought I spotted my car, but a gang of teen boys was coming towards me. I woke myself up.
I'm no expert on dream reading, but I'm sure this one is not hard at all to understand. Bill is God (don't tell him!), I am a willful sinner, "downtown" is turning away from God--the bright lights of sin. The ruined city is what Satan really has waiting for us as a result of sin--a wasteland, a prison. The bad outfit? I was totally unprepared to be out on my own, without God.
This Psalm is read during Vespers, on Saturday evenings at St. Stephen the First Martyr, and at all Orthodox Churches around the world. It bears repeating every Saturday night as a reminder that we need God's help to get us out of all the lonely wastelands we willfully choose to inhabit in our lives.
Psalm 141 (142):4-8
When my spirit fainted within me,
Then You knew my paths;
For on the way I was going, they hid a trap for me.
I looked on my right, and saw
There was no one who knew me;
Refuge failed me,
And there was no one who cared for my soul.
I cried to You, O Lord;
I said, "You are my hope,
My portion in the land of the living,
Attend to my supplication,
For I was humbled exceedlingly;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I am.
Bring my soul out of prison
To give thanks to Your name, O Lord;
The righteous shall wait for me,
Until you reward me. "
Memory Eternal - Marlene Chastain, wife, mother, teacher
Dianne, willful sinner
I have frequent, vivid dreams, many I remember fully when I wake up, to my husband's chagrin. I usually make him stand there and listen to it all, while his stomach is growling.
Early this morning, I dreamed I was somewhere in Indianapolis with Bill. He wanted me to stay with him there so we could go home together. I just really didn't want that. I wanted to go off by myself and do as I pleased. I wanted so badly to go to this fantastic new shopping place near Indianapolis, where I would be perfectly happy. No one knew exactly where it was, it was just somewhere "over there" on the Indy map. I drove downtown, parked on a street, took out a huge bag of "stuff" and started walking. I also had on a man's suit jacket and some shorts. I finally got to where I thought I wanted to be. It was not really what I thought it would be at all. Bill showed up there, and wanted me to go home with him, and not be out there by myself. I threw a fit, took everything out of my bulging bag, threw it on the ground, and took off in a huff, I was going to do what I wanted to do, hang him. I then buttoned up the suit jacket, and it appeared that I had on no garments underneath. I was not dressed well at all for what I wanted to be doing, hanging out downtown wasting time, feeding my own wants and cravings. Well, suddenly I was in a dark, lonely building, trying to put my walking shoes on. I came down the stairs, and two really creepy guys tried to grab me. I ran out of the building and down the street, back towards my car. There were empty lots and old buildings everywhere I looked, nothing new. or exciting, nothing that would draw me in, nothing at all like I thought it should look. I was afraid of walking by myself, there were crowds of people walking about, all in this wasteland of emptiness. I thought I spotted my car, but a gang of teen boys was coming towards me. I woke myself up.
I'm no expert on dream reading, but I'm sure this one is not hard at all to understand. Bill is God (don't tell him!), I am a willful sinner, "downtown" is turning away from God--the bright lights of sin. The ruined city is what Satan really has waiting for us as a result of sin--a wasteland, a prison. The bad outfit? I was totally unprepared to be out on my own, without God.
This Psalm is read during Vespers, on Saturday evenings at St. Stephen the First Martyr, and at all Orthodox Churches around the world. It bears repeating every Saturday night as a reminder that we need God's help to get us out of all the lonely wastelands we willfully choose to inhabit in our lives.
Psalm 141 (142):4-8
When my spirit fainted within me,
Then You knew my paths;
For on the way I was going, they hid a trap for me.
I looked on my right, and saw
There was no one who knew me;
Refuge failed me,
And there was no one who cared for my soul.
I cried to You, O Lord;
I said, "You are my hope,
My portion in the land of the living,
Attend to my supplication,
For I was humbled exceedlingly;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I am.
Bring my soul out of prison
To give thanks to Your name, O Lord;
The righteous shall wait for me,
Until you reward me. "
Memory Eternal - Marlene Chastain, wife, mother, teacher
Dianne, willful sinner
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Why Don't I Run To God?
Yesterday I think I hit home with many people on how we all REALLY pray. Distracted, half-awake, hardly believing it does anything anyway. I say the words, wondering if God is really paying attention to anything I have to say. Can he be bothered with me knocking on the door? Why should He? I'm standing there, distracted, half-awake, hardly believing. If one of my kids talked to me like that, I wouldn't listen either.
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion. She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America. Being liturgical is just part of her and my life. Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup? Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?" I think it should be the same with prayer. Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him? He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better? When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am? I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it, go look. Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say. Look at the words of Jesus, read the Beatitudes. God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher. We need to acknowledge him with prayer. Whispered words throughout our day. We can start with this.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Psalm 50 (51) (I found out what this means. Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)
Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a
Dianne, a sinner
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion. She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America. Being liturgical is just part of her and my life. Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup? Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?" I think it should be the same with prayer. Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him? He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better? When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am? I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it, go look. Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say. Look at the words of Jesus, read the Beatitudes. God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher. We need to acknowledge him with prayer. Whispered words throughout our day. We can start with this.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Psalm 50 (51) (I found out what this means. Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)
Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a
Dianne, a sinner
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