Day of the Betrayer

Today we chanted these words at Liturgy, on Holy Thursday.

The transgressor Judas, O Lord,

dipped his hand in the plate with You at supper.

But now, he unlawfully stretches forth his hand for silver.

He calculated the price of the woman’s myrrh,

yet he does not shudder in selling You, the priceless One.

He let the Master wash his feet,

yet he deceitfully kisses Him in betrayal to lawless men.

Cast out from the ranks of the Apostles,

he casts away the thirty pieces of silver,

not seeing the Resurrection on the third day.//

By it, have mercy on us!

I cannot think of a better representation of "seeing the mote in your neighbor's eye, while ignoring the plank in your own"  than the complaint of Judas about the woman who washed Jesus' feet with the precious oil, and wiped them with her hair, and then Judas kissing the face of his Savior in betrayal.

Except perhaps my own betrayal of Jesus every day.  I don't speak his name when I should.  I don't ask for forgiveness because I believe I am without sin.  I  ignore those around me who need love, I speak foul words against their character.  I think I am superior to "them,"  whoever the "them" of the day is.  I waste--time, money, resources.    I break bonds of kinship with angry words.   I sin against love in my heart.
I am selfish, I am greedy.   I don't love others as I love myself. 

How many times do I have to sell Jesus before I'll stop?



Am I in a better place than Judas, that I should see the Resurrection?  

Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Oh, Lord Jesus, come quickly!!

Dianne, a sinner

Simple Gratitude? Got it?

I have been corresponding with a homeschool/Orthodox friend, Daniel Goshorn-Maroney, who is currently a Peace Corps volunteer in Togo, a tiny west African nation.  He recently posted on his blog--

http://rockytogo.blogspot.com/

The reason why I got a soccer ball for the kids was because I was tired of watching them play soccer with cans, balls of rags, or ripped up rubber balls. Really anything here works as a toy. My second host brother, Adjay, likes to chase around an old moto tire. Old bicycle hubs nailed to sticks seem popular, as does about any manner of junk or trash that no longer has any other use.

I got more actual toys for Christmas when I was 8 than kids in Nampoch get in their entire lives.   

Think about that for a minute.   Really, think about it.  Now, look around the room you are sitting in.  How much "stuff" do you have?  How much stuff do your kids have?  Can you live without it?  Have you ever gone "without?"

Many of you know that we have an adopted son from Kazakhstan.  When we gathered this boy into our family, he had, literally, nothing.  He didn't even get to keep the shirt on his back, or the pants on his behind.  We had to give them back for the next kid to enter the orphanage.  He was missing many things in life, that you and I take for granted every day.  Family, friends, clothing, toys, books,  enough food, enough love.  Can you live without those things?  Have you ever?  


Lent is our time to search inwardly, to be "weeding out" our internal "stuff."   Weeding out sin, weeding out anger, unforgiveness, pain, resentment, greed,,,,,,,

While we are doing these hard things,   may we also take time to thank our God for the many blessings we have, that we shamefully take for granted everyday.

Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.

Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for the clothes on my back, the family at my table, the love we share, our warm, sturdy home, continued good health, my husband's job.

Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for running water, a soft bed, safe travel, enough food, more clothes than I can keep clean,  more books than I can keep picked up, more stuff than I can manage in this big house. 

Lord, Jesus Christ,  thank you for the leisure time I have, the flowers I can grow, the yarn I pile up, the cars we drive, the gas we can afford.

Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for my washing machine, my dishwasher, my refrigerator, my shower, my television, my computer, my telephone.  

Maybe some of this sounds silly, but trying going without.  Try carrying all your water tomorrow.  Try walking to work.  Try handwashing all your clothes.  Try sleeping on the floor. Try going without love.



What do you have that you can send up thanks and praise for today?



I always try to wrap up with Scripture, but today, a little difference.
Here's a great old Lutheran hymn that popped into my head as I was typing .
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/n/o/nowthank.htm

Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,

Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts and blessèd peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills, in this world and the next!
All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given;
The Son and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God, whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.

Dianne,  a practitioner of gratitude

---

What's Up With Lent?

Several people read this blog that are not Orthodox, but are my friends on Facebook.  So I will explain a little bit about what we do during this time.

Fasting plays a great part, but is not the sole reason for Lent.  It is part of learning obedience, and to lead you into a more prayerful life.  Less time spent on food, more time for God.   Two weeks before, we have Meatfare week, which is a time to clean out the cupboards and refrigerator of meat products.  The next week is Cheesefare week, which is a time to clean out and eat up all the dairy.  Then during Lent, we are expected to eat a mostly vegan diet.  This week ended last Sunday night with Forgiveness Sunday service, the official start to Lent.  The Forgiveness Service is a time for everyone in the parish to recognize the need to forgive because God forgives.  I have a hard time with this one, because forgiveness is  a practice I've had to teach myself,  I am not a very forgiving person.  Shamefully, I must admit that I didn't go this year. 

During this first week of Lent we have several services.  The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, which involves lots of prostrations, speaks of our need for mercy and forgiveness from God.   We are also reminded that Jesus Christ was born of the flesh of a woman and from the Spirit, so that He is fully God and fully man.  Many people are mistaken about the use of Mary in our worship.   Mary is called forth as a reminder of this miracle of God's presence among us.  

Anyway,  on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent we have Presanctified Liturgy.  We are not allowed to have a full communion service during the weeks of Lent, only on Sundays, so the priest prepares enough bread and wine on Sundays to last for two more services during the week.  We are to fast prior to these services, so usually there is a vegetarian soup supper afterwards at our church on Wednesdays. 

 Someone asked what "Liturgy" is, it  means work, which is what we do when we worship and sacrifice our praise to God.   It involves sets of prayers, or litanies,  and reading of Psalms, OT or NT reading,  the Gospel,  and hymns to God,  a remembrance of a particular saint or event in Bible,  and a homily, or sermon, usually on the daily Bible reading.  The service culminates in serving of the Eucharist.  

Lent is a time for asking forgiveness, searching yourself,  weeding out the bad, filling the empty space with good.  Coming closer to God through prayer.  Sure, you can do this all year long, but who has that sense of commitment?   I know that around the world, millions of people , Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, and others who chose to,  are struggling right along with me.  I can make another pot of beans because I know there are millions of other moms doing the same thing.   I can get on my knees without too much self-consciousness because I know others are also.   I can "stop the noise"  and read my Bible.  I can take food to the food pantry.  I can ask forgiveness of those around me for sins I have committed against them.  I can start to forgive others. Yes, yes, I can.  I should. I have, I will continue, because I need the practice, and I'm lousy with sin myself.

If you are in Lent,   let's do it together, pressing on toward the goal of Jesus Christ, our Glorious Pascha!
Pascha means Passover in Greek.  Jesus came to fulfill all that was prepared before Him in the OT.  He is the Passover.   The One who gets us to God. 

Hebrews 12: 1  Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Dianne , who needs to do it all better

Will there be enough evidence to convict me?

What if we lived in a country that was not Christian friendly?  What if any evidence found against me could get me thrown into prison, my livelihood taken away, my meeting place burned down, and my family separated, or murdered?

Would there be enough evidence in my life to convict me? 

I think we live in a time and place in America where being Christian is an easy thing.  I can wear a bracelet with WWJD?  on it.  How about an "In God We Trust" license plate, provided by the state?  THAT would make me easy to track as I cut off the guy in the next lane, and shake my fist at him.  I can slap a "fish" sticker right there on my bumper, just in case anyone is confused by my actual behavior.  Yea, boy, they'd know I'm a Christian, because when I get out of my car at the movie theater to watch a less than stellar movie, I'd have on my "__________________"*  t-shirt.

*insert any catchy "I'm cool 'cause I'm a Christian, and you're not"  phrase

If the thought police listened to my music collection, would I have anything there to convict me?  I'm not a great lover of "Christian radio music,"  so that wouldn't be there to confuse them.  You know the stuff,  the singers dress, act, and sing like secular artists, but insert God occasionally, and try to sound sincere as their sales soar, and THEIR name is on everyone's lips at the awards shows.   What about the movies I rent?  The books I read?  The groups I belong to? What do I allow my children access to?  Would that convict me of being Christian? 

Lately, my priest, Father Joel, has been calling our attention during prayers  to Christians around the world who are in peril because of the governments that rule them.  Egypt, Iraq, Indonesia, China...... the list goes on.  In some of these places, just having a Bible, or not attending Mosque could get your house ransacked, burned, or your family assaulted.  Would I still get up on Sunday mornings for liturgy (the work of the church, the communion service)and leave my house if I knew there would be a spy at the end of the street writing down my name?

Several faith traditions within Christianity revere saints.  We name them at services, we have their pictures or icons on our walls, we name our churches and schools for them.  We hold up them up as testimony to lives given in worship of the Trinity.  I don't necessarily want to die the bloody death of a martyr,  as those mentioned in Hebrews 11.  I just wonder where I would be if  anti-Christian troops marched down my street.

One 20th century martyr, St. John of Chicago, lived close enough in time for me to relate to his sainthood, and to his stand against anti-Christian forces.   He was a Russian priest who came to America in the late 1800's  to start churches and schools in the Chicago area.  He returned to Russia and on Oct. 31, 1917, during a revolutionary battle in his town, he and other priests started prayer services "for the victory of the Cossacks"..

 "The priests were captured and sent to the headquarters of the Council of the Workers and Soldier Deputies. A priest, Fr John Kochurov, was trying to protest and to clarify the situation. He was hit several times on his face. With cheers and yelling the enraged mob conveyed him to the Tsarskoye Selo aerodrome. Several rifles were raised against the defenseless pastor. A shot thundered out, then another, after which the priest fell down on the ground, and blood spilled upon his cassock. Death did not come to him immediately... He was pulled by his hair, and somebody suggested, Finish him off like a dog. The next morning the body was brought into the former palace hospital."
http://sainttikhons.org/St._John_Kochurov.html

I wouldn't fault any Russian  Christians who ran and hid that day.  Many who gathered to pray and worship during this battle knew that they wouldn't  make it home.  Their lives were testimony to the presence that God had in their lives.

My shirt for the today should say  "WWIBWTCFTC?*

*Where Will I Be When They Come For The Christians?

I hope there is enough evidence to convict me.



Hebrews 11:35-37...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection.  Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment..  They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.

Dianne, not worthy

Unbelievable Renewal

We've had a hard, long, cold, icy winter here in the midwest.  Most conversation usually turns to "no more snow, or the weather man is outa here."   We're sick and tired of it.  The yards are brown, the driveways are muddy, the cars are dirty, and our spirits are down. 

But the promise of spring is just around the corner.  I saw green poking up in our church garden on Sunday.  I even waded  into the mud in  my good shoes to pull back dead leaves to find daylilies inviting themselves into the sun.  That gave me a little sweet surprise, something to pull out and remember throughout a busy week.

I also watched a gardening show this week on television.  It's a good thing we don't have cable, or I'd be on Home and Garden station all the time.   The demonstrators  were walking through a magnificent, green, abundant, lush, full tropical garden, I could almost smell it.  The weird thing was that I had almost forgotten what that was like.  It was as if  I was Alice, looking through a glass into another existence.  People in t-shirts and shorts,  a soft breeze, sunshine,  green everywhere, it gave me quite a yearning to be there.    It seemed like spring and summer were just a far off dream, somewhere we will never get to this year.  I felt I had peeked into paradise.

Then I wondered about what Heaven will be like.  In Orthodoxy, when we join together in liturgy, the communion service, we believe we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven, that we are surrounded by clouds of witnesses  (Hebrews 12:1). We say-- "Blessed is the Kingdom, of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen."   

 But there is more to the Kingdom than this earthly existence we share.   Infinitely more. What of the Heaven that we are told of in the last chapters of Revelation?    All this, all that surrounds us, our earth, our homes, our stuff, will all pass away, and we will be living with a new heaven and a new earth.   There will be no sea,  nothing to separate us, or make us different.  We will be in union with God.  We will be the bride, he will be the Groom.  And it won't be an earthly marriage, one that can be tossed away, but one that keeps us eternally joined to God.  It was revealed to St. John in Revelation 21 that EVERY tear will be wiped away,  there will be no more death, no more sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain.   All former things will pass. 

When we were children, didn't we want our parents to wipe away our tears, take away the pain, the sorrow, and the little deaths we suffered through every day?   Most people reading this blog are adults,  and for many, there is no one who fills this roll on earth any more.   I know many who are suffering terrible pain, loss, and hurt, I can't take it away,  I can't wipe away all the silent, unshed tears.  I can help,  but really, at the end of the day, it is still there, haunting dreams, and stealing sleep.

Imagine this perfect world that is waiting for us.  Imagine our heavenly Father,  taking away all the past.  We won't even have a memory of our pains, sorrows, and tears.   All will be new and fresh, just like in that gardening show, only much better--an unbelievable place, full of love and our eternal  union with God. 

Enter Lent with the image of this perfect Heaven in your heart and mind.  This is our ultimate goal,  this is where our souls yearn to be.   Wake up in the mornings, sure of the knowledge that God will lead us there.  He wants to take away all that troubles you, all the pain, sorrow, and hurt.  He wants us to live forever with Him in Heaven, in a beautiful, perfect place.


From Revelation 22:17  And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!"  And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come.  Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.  

Dianne
yearning for union with God

Hating My Will

This will be a hard one to write.  I just had to listen to my own will, and use my mouth to wound another person, a teenage girl, for pity's sake, someone who just hit me wrong with an attitude that maybe she didn't even realize she was projecting.   I just HAD to dump on her, I just HAD to show HER who was superior, I just HAD to  triumph.  Well, and shouldn't I feel all superior, since I was able to do all that?  I put her in her place.  I let her know that I wasn't going to take any nonsense from her, the bug on the wall that I think she is.   

Sheesh... 

What a creep...

Jesus said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. "  Matt 6:14-15

There's no wishy-washy there, there's no "well, you were justified in your feelings,"  or "okay, you were having a bad day."  Or, how about my favorite excuse?

 --"because it made me feel better/bigger/older/wiser/."..ad naseum.

Jesus said IF you forgive , you are forgiven.   

If I don't forgive, he won't forgive me.   Period. 

Now I gotta go into dance class, with my big girl pants on, and humble myself to a 16 year-old girl.  My own stupid fault.  My own stupid will.  Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

But if I don't forgive, if I don't humble myself to her, what has she learned from an older Christian woman? Anger is justified.   Rudeness can be justified.  You can say what you want, no matter the outcome, and then ignore the results.   Forgiveness is not necessary.  Asking forgiveness is not necessary.  Follow your feelings.

Not something I want someone else teaching my kids, so I guess I had better not teach them to her mother's child. 


Jesus said to the crowd,"But those things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.  For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies,  These are the things that defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man."  Matt. 15: 18-20

My first lesson of Lent.   I know it doesn't start until next Sunday night, but this year, it came for me early.

Dianne,  a sinner

Note from author, after losing sleep over this. 
I guess this is not so much about me forgiving her, as it is me getting past the thing she did that I reacted to.
I have to forgive her first, "get over it,"  to see my own smutty sin in my reaction, to not hold a grudge, to not feel  superior in my "besting" of  her. 
Sort of like "Why should I apologize, she deserved it!"   Not a great attitude to carry around with me.

Nailed by My Sins at Vespers, Again

Feb. 22--Today we commemorate the Nine Righteous Children of Kola who were martyred in the 6th century, in southern Georgia,  they chose Christ over their pagan families.  They were stoned to death by their parents. http://ocafs.oca.org/FeastSaintsViewer.asp?FSID=103817

My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night,  it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings.  We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world.  I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v.  There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else,  so I guess I'm not missing much.

Every week it's the same old thing,  read the Psalms, say the prayers,  kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards.  We Orthodox love our written prayers,  they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think. 

So what does God do about this?  He wrote those Psalms a long time ago.  Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out.   A little check list, of sorts.  "Okay, Dianne, you  heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"

The words that nail me to my own cross are

Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.

Ouch!  I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind.  I have a mouth, and I use it for sin.  I use it for excuses for those sins.  I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin.  I can divert others' attention away from my sin.  I use my tongue to point out the sins of others.  I complain with those lips.  I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips.   And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids,  and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice.  I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.

So why put myself through all that?  Why not be my own Self,  live the way I want to?  Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better? 

 Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin.  He is the most authentic lover of my soul.  He knows I struggle daily.  He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all.  He still loves me. 

I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me.  No matter what passes my lips,  he forgives me.  He lets me get up and try again tomorrow.  Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have. 

During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian,  and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be.  At the feet of Christ, unworthy.

O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk.  But give rather the spirit of  chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant. Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother; For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen

http://www.sv-luka.org/misionar/lentenpr_n2.htm

a link to St. Ephem's prayer, and commentary by  Fr. Alexander Schmemann

please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers,  our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.

Lord, have mercy.


Dianne, a sinner