Death of a Sinner, How Do We React?

Fresh off the heels of a wonderful Holy Week, Pascha, and Bright Week (Bright Week follows Pascha-Easter in the Orthodox world, it's the greatest event in the history of the world, we celebrate it for a week),  we go to bed on Sunday evening with the news of Osama bin Laden's death.  Wow.

We watched in horror as his plan of terror unfolded before our eyes on Sept. 11.  I remember sitting in my kitchen listening to Katie Couric talk to Matt Lauer about the first airplane when the second one hit.   I was stunned, as was every person watching or listening that day.  We watched as the people scrambled out of the buildings, those who could.  We watched people jumping from high floors to their deaths, we saw the towers fall, one after the other.  We watched firefighters and police officers going INTO the burning buildings.  It was unspeakable horror.  Then the news of the plane into the side of the Pentagon, and then the jet that went down in PA, filled with people who had more courage that day than all the rest of their lives combined.   The shock  and grief we have  carried around in our hearts for years, for some it will never go away. 


I also have a history in my family of my father's untimely death in 1981 in a single engine plane crash, cause never determined.  The other pilot, an Indiana state policeman, who lived,   was quoted as giving several different reasons why the plane crashed, most of which blamed my father, easy to do when the other guy is dead and can't answer you.   I had the occasion once of meeting his wife at a National Guard dinner with Bill when I was pregnant with Bailey.   I literally accosted her in the hallway and screamed anger and vitriol at her.  I was still so distraught at that time, so many years later, from the event.  I felt justified in letting her know how I felt about her lousy husband.  At the time it felt great, I could finally unload.  Later, it just lay in front of me, a mashed-up mess of emotions, anger, guilt, shame, pain, hatred.   It still didn't bring back my daddy.  

If I met that man now,  I probably would cry, I would probably be angry.  I would tell him about my family, my husband, my children, my niece, how they never knew my dad.  I would  walk away from him.  Feelings I have buried under layers of belly fat would come to the surface, as they are right now, and tears would flow.  I would hope that he would express some remorse, some regret, something.....    

I never knew how he felt about the crash, he has never contacted me.  He never spoke to my mother.

I know I should forgive him, I know I should let it go.    It was 30 years ago, for criminy's sake.  Mostly my feelings for him are dismissal, leave me alone, go away, I hate you.

So, I can understand the cheering crowds, the grieving widows, the broken mothers and fathers,  the children who are feeling vengence, justice,  and power this morning.   Their wounds have been torn wide open by this news.   I'm sure that they are feeling 10,000 feelings this morning.  Most are stunned, shocked, grieved, confused, rejoicing, cheering,,,,,

I have no scripture to throw at this...   sometimes just letting someone else "be" is the best I can do for them.

Dianne, Bob's little girl