Today's reading in the lectionary involved Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well. She was one of THOSE Samaritans, those people who worship God differently than I do, therefore they are wrong. She lived a blasphemous life, not like me, "nearly perfect, in every way." Do you KNOW how many men she had been with? How many children she had with all those men? And, she was not even married to the one she lived with?.... well, hide the chickens, and keep your children off the street.
We all know people like this, the sleazebag, the sinner, the woman of multiple men. We can't ever imagine being like that. Why, she was horrible.
Yet, when the Scriptures were passed from God's mind to paper for our use, this woman was remembered. Why? Out of all the women Jesus encountered in his ministry, surely there is someone more worthy of our time than this Jezebel. I wouldn't let her eat at my table.
But I'm thinking like one of us. I'm not thinking like Jesus. "His thoughts are not our thoughts, his ways are not our ways." I believe that is a very good thing, perhaps the best thing. His ways are so far beyond what we are able to come up with ourselves. When He sat at the well, and asked for a drink, this Jew, this man, this stranger --He knew that , according to worldly standards, He was asking for trouble. He had no business taking anything from her unclean hand, this Samaritan woman, who didn't even know the place where God lives. Just being seen in public alone with her would have had tongues wagging.
I often wonder, what was the look on His face that day , when Jesus offered her Living Water. Did He have an understanding, loving look in his eye, one she had so seldom seen? Did she feel that she was in the presence of God Himself? Why didn't she back away and run off? They entered into a long conversation, a discourse on worship, spirit, and her not-so-private life. A note in my Orthodox Bible says that Samaritans didn't believe there were any more prophets after Moses, and yet, she calls him a prophet. At this point, I think He was starting to make her a little nervous.
She then says, "I know that Messiah is coming. When He comes, He will tell us all things." What was she thinking He would say? Was she expecting the answer she got?
Jesus said to her," I who speak to you am He."
At that point, I'm sure she dropped her water jug, and stood there with her mouth hanging open. Here is the one that they, Samaritan and Jew, had been waiting for, the One who would save them. What happened next? Did they embrace? Did she fall in prostration before Him? Did He lift her up and pray with her? John 4:28 says that she left her waterpot, went to find her friends and called to them, "Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?"
They came to talk with Jesus and many became believers because of this.
They knew they were taking a chance. If Jesus, a complete stranger, could tell this woman ( she is called St. Photini in the Church) everything she had done, would He do the same to them? Would you want all your neighbors to hear about your sins, right out there in public? What was it about her that encouraged them to approach this Jewish stranger? Maybe they saw a lightness about her, the lightness of confession, the lightness of forgiveness, the lightness of knowing Christ. They wanted what this woman had, and suddenly, they didn't care about the cost. To be offered Living Water, something that would cure their thirst, and give them everlasting life, that must have been far beyond their dry, desert dreams.
I want to drink deeply of His cup. I want that living water to wash over me, not just my feet, but the whole shebang of me. I want Him to look at me, face to face, deeply, with forgiveness, lightness, and wholeness. I yearn for that kiss of peace. My sins are no better or worse than St. Photini's, no matter how I line them up. I know I will be forgiven, as she was. I know Jesus will do this for me, unworthy as I am, because He loves us, however we come to Him.
Psalm 14
O Lord, who shall dwell in Your tabernacle?
Who shall live in Your holy mountain?
He who walks blamelessly, and works righteousness,
And speaks truth in his heart.
Who does not deceive with his tongue,
Neither does evil to his neighbor;
And does not find fault with those nearest him.
He disdains those who do evil in his presence,
But he holds in honor those who fear the Lord;
He swears an oath to his neighbor and does not set it aside.
And he does not lend his money at interest,
And he does not take a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things shall never be shaken.
Dianne, thirsting for Christ
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Death of a Sinner, How Do We React?
Fresh off the heels of a wonderful Holy Week, Pascha, and Bright Week (Bright Week follows Pascha-Easter in the Orthodox world, it's the greatest event in the history of the world, we celebrate it for a week), we go to bed on Sunday evening with the news of Osama bin Laden's death. Wow.
We watched in horror as his plan of terror unfolded before our eyes on Sept. 11. I remember sitting in my kitchen listening to Katie Couric talk to Matt Lauer about the first airplane when the second one hit. I was stunned, as was every person watching or listening that day. We watched as the people scrambled out of the buildings, those who could. We watched people jumping from high floors to their deaths, we saw the towers fall, one after the other. We watched firefighters and police officers going INTO the burning buildings. It was unspeakable horror. Then the news of the plane into the side of the Pentagon, and then the jet that went down in PA, filled with people who had more courage that day than all the rest of their lives combined. The shock and grief we have carried around in our hearts for years, for some it will never go away.
I also have a history in my family of my father's untimely death in 1981 in a single engine plane crash, cause never determined. The other pilot, an Indiana state policeman, who lived, was quoted as giving several different reasons why the plane crashed, most of which blamed my father, easy to do when the other guy is dead and can't answer you. I had the occasion once of meeting his wife at a National Guard dinner with Bill when I was pregnant with Bailey. I literally accosted her in the hallway and screamed anger and vitriol at her. I was still so distraught at that time, so many years later, from the event. I felt justified in letting her know how I felt about her lousy husband. At the time it felt great, I could finally unload. Later, it just lay in front of me, a mashed-up mess of emotions, anger, guilt, shame, pain, hatred. It still didn't bring back my daddy.
If I met that man now, I probably would cry, I would probably be angry. I would tell him about my family, my husband, my children, my niece, how they never knew my dad. I would walk away from him. Feelings I have buried under layers of belly fat would come to the surface, as they are right now, and tears would flow. I would hope that he would express some remorse, some regret, something.....
I never knew how he felt about the crash, he has never contacted me. He never spoke to my mother.
I know I should forgive him, I know I should let it go. It was 30 years ago, for criminy's sake. Mostly my feelings for him are dismissal, leave me alone, go away, I hate you.
So, I can understand the cheering crowds, the grieving widows, the broken mothers and fathers, the children who are feeling vengence, justice, and power this morning. Their wounds have been torn wide open by this news. I'm sure that they are feeling 10,000 feelings this morning. Most are stunned, shocked, grieved, confused, rejoicing, cheering,,,,,
I have no scripture to throw at this... sometimes just letting someone else "be" is the best I can do for them.
Dianne, Bob's little girl
We watched in horror as his plan of terror unfolded before our eyes on Sept. 11. I remember sitting in my kitchen listening to Katie Couric talk to Matt Lauer about the first airplane when the second one hit. I was stunned, as was every person watching or listening that day. We watched as the people scrambled out of the buildings, those who could. We watched people jumping from high floors to their deaths, we saw the towers fall, one after the other. We watched firefighters and police officers going INTO the burning buildings. It was unspeakable horror. Then the news of the plane into the side of the Pentagon, and then the jet that went down in PA, filled with people who had more courage that day than all the rest of their lives combined. The shock and grief we have carried around in our hearts for years, for some it will never go away.
I also have a history in my family of my father's untimely death in 1981 in a single engine plane crash, cause never determined. The other pilot, an Indiana state policeman, who lived, was quoted as giving several different reasons why the plane crashed, most of which blamed my father, easy to do when the other guy is dead and can't answer you. I had the occasion once of meeting his wife at a National Guard dinner with Bill when I was pregnant with Bailey. I literally accosted her in the hallway and screamed anger and vitriol at her. I was still so distraught at that time, so many years later, from the event. I felt justified in letting her know how I felt about her lousy husband. At the time it felt great, I could finally unload. Later, it just lay in front of me, a mashed-up mess of emotions, anger, guilt, shame, pain, hatred. It still didn't bring back my daddy.
If I met that man now, I probably would cry, I would probably be angry. I would tell him about my family, my husband, my children, my niece, how they never knew my dad. I would walk away from him. Feelings I have buried under layers of belly fat would come to the surface, as they are right now, and tears would flow. I would hope that he would express some remorse, some regret, something.....
I never knew how he felt about the crash, he has never contacted me. He never spoke to my mother.
I know I should forgive him, I know I should let it go. It was 30 years ago, for criminy's sake. Mostly my feelings for him are dismissal, leave me alone, go away, I hate you.
So, I can understand the cheering crowds, the grieving widows, the broken mothers and fathers, the children who are feeling vengence, justice, and power this morning. Their wounds have been torn wide open by this news. I'm sure that they are feeling 10,000 feelings this morning. Most are stunned, shocked, grieved, confused, rejoicing, cheering,,,,,
I have no scripture to throw at this... sometimes just letting someone else "be" is the best I can do for them.
Dianne, Bob's little girl
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Day of the Betrayer
Today we chanted these words at Liturgy, on Holy Thursday.
The transgressor Judas, O Lord,
dipped his hand in the plate with You at supper.
But now, he unlawfully stretches forth his hand for silver.
He calculated the price of the woman’s myrrh,
yet he does not shudder in selling You, the priceless One.
He let the Master wash his feet,
yet he deceitfully kisses Him in betrayal to lawless men.
Cast out from the ranks of the Apostles,
he casts away the thirty pieces of silver,
not seeing the Resurrection on the third day.//
By it, have mercy on us!
I cannot think of a better representation of "seeing the mote in your neighbor's eye, while ignoring the plank in your own" than the complaint of Judas about the woman who washed Jesus' feet with the precious oil, and wiped them with her hair, and then Judas kissing the face of his Savior in betrayal.
Except perhaps my own betrayal of Jesus every day. I don't speak his name when I should. I don't ask for forgiveness because I believe I am without sin. I ignore those around me who need love, I speak foul words against their character. I think I am superior to "them," whoever the "them" of the day is. I waste--time, money, resources. I break bonds of kinship with angry words. I sin against love in my heart.
I am selfish, I am greedy. I don't love others as I love myself.
How many times do I have to sell Jesus before I'll stop?
Am I in a better place than Judas, that I should see the Resurrection?
I am selfish, I am greedy. I don't love others as I love myself.
How many times do I have to sell Jesus before I'll stop?
Am I in a better place than Judas, that I should see the Resurrection?
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Oh, Lord Jesus, come quickly!!
Dianne, a sinner
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Simple Gratitude? Got it?
I have been corresponding with a homeschool/Orthodox friend, Daniel Goshorn-Maroney, who is currently a Peace Corps volunteer in Togo, a tiny west African nation. He recently posted on his blog--
The reason why I got a soccer ball for the kids was because I was tired of watching them play soccer with cans, balls of rags, or ripped up rubber balls. Really anything here works as a toy. My second host brother, Adjay, likes to chase around an old moto tire. Old bicycle hubs nailed to sticks seem popular, as does about any manner of junk or trash that no longer has any other use.
I got more actual toys for Christmas when I was 8 than kids in Nampoch get in their entire lives.
Think about that for a minute. Really, think about it. Now, look around the room you are sitting in. How much "stuff" do you have? How much stuff do your kids have? Can you live without it? Have you ever gone "without?"
Many of you know that we have an adopted son from Kazakhstan. When we gathered this boy into our family, he had, literally, nothing. He didn't even get to keep the shirt on his back, or the pants on his behind. We had to give them back for the next kid to enter the orphanage. He was missing many things in life, that you and I take for granted every day. Family, friends, clothing, toys, books, enough food, enough love. Can you live without those things? Have you ever?
Lent is our time to search inwardly, to be "weeding out" our internal "stuff." Weeding out sin, weeding out anger, unforgiveness, pain, resentment, greed,,,,,,,
While we are doing these hard things, may we also take time to thank our God for the many blessings we have, that we shamefully take for granted everyday.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for the clothes on my back, the family at my table, the love we share, our warm, sturdy home, continued good health, my husband's job.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for running water, a soft bed, safe travel, enough food, more clothes than I can keep clean, more books than I can keep picked up, more stuff than I can manage in this big house.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for the leisure time I have, the flowers I can grow, the yarn I pile up, the cars we drive, the gas we can afford.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for my washing machine, my dishwasher, my refrigerator, my shower, my television, my computer, my telephone.
Maybe some of this sounds silly, but trying going without. Try carrying all your water tomorrow. Try walking to work. Try handwashing all your clothes. Try sleeping on the floor. Try going without love.
What do you have that you can send up thanks and praise for today?
I always try to wrap up with Scripture, but today, a little difference.
Here's a great old Lutheran hymn that popped into my head as I was typing .
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/n/o/nowthank.htm
Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,
Think about that for a minute. Really, think about it. Now, look around the room you are sitting in. How much "stuff" do you have? How much stuff do your kids have? Can you live without it? Have you ever gone "without?"
Many of you know that we have an adopted son from Kazakhstan. When we gathered this boy into our family, he had, literally, nothing. He didn't even get to keep the shirt on his back, or the pants on his behind. We had to give them back for the next kid to enter the orphanage. He was missing many things in life, that you and I take for granted every day. Family, friends, clothing, toys, books, enough food, enough love. Can you live without those things? Have you ever?
Lent is our time to search inwardly, to be "weeding out" our internal "stuff." Weeding out sin, weeding out anger, unforgiveness, pain, resentment, greed,,,,,,,
While we are doing these hard things, may we also take time to thank our God for the many blessings we have, that we shamefully take for granted everyday.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, forgive me, a sinner.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for the clothes on my back, the family at my table, the love we share, our warm, sturdy home, continued good health, my husband's job.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for running water, a soft bed, safe travel, enough food, more clothes than I can keep clean, more books than I can keep picked up, more stuff than I can manage in this big house.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for the leisure time I have, the flowers I can grow, the yarn I pile up, the cars we drive, the gas we can afford.
Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for my washing machine, my dishwasher, my refrigerator, my shower, my television, my computer, my telephone.
Maybe some of this sounds silly, but trying going without. Try carrying all your water tomorrow. Try walking to work. Try handwashing all your clothes. Try sleeping on the floor. Try going without love.
What do you have that you can send up thanks and praise for today?
I always try to wrap up with Scripture, but today, a little difference.
Here's a great old Lutheran hymn that popped into my head as I was typing .
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/n/o/nowthank.htm
Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,
Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts and blessèd peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills, in this world and the next!
All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given;
The Son and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God, whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.
Dianne, a practitioner of gratitude
Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts and blessèd peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills, in this world and the next!
All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given;
The Son and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God, whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.
Dianne, a practitioner of gratitude
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What's Up With Lent?
Several people read this blog that are not Orthodox, but are my friends on Facebook. So I will explain a little bit about what we do during this time.
Fasting plays a great part, but is not the sole reason for Lent. It is part of learning obedience, and to lead you into a more prayerful life. Less time spent on food, more time for God. Two weeks before, we have Meatfare week, which is a time to clean out the cupboards and refrigerator of meat products. The next week is Cheesefare week, which is a time to clean out and eat up all the dairy. Then during Lent, we are expected to eat a mostly vegan diet. This week ended last Sunday night with Forgiveness Sunday service, the official start to Lent. The Forgiveness Service is a time for everyone in the parish to recognize the need to forgive because God forgives. I have a hard time with this one, because forgiveness is a practice I've had to teach myself, I am not a very forgiving person. Shamefully, I must admit that I didn't go this year.
During this first week of Lent we have several services. The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, which involves lots of prostrations, speaks of our need for mercy and forgiveness from God. We are also reminded that Jesus Christ was born of the flesh of a woman and from the Spirit, so that He is fully God and fully man. Many people are mistaken about the use of Mary in our worship. Mary is called forth as a reminder of this miracle of God's presence among us.
Anyway, on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent we have Presanctified Liturgy. We are not allowed to have a full communion service during the weeks of Lent, only on Sundays, so the priest prepares enough bread and wine on Sundays to last for two more services during the week. We are to fast prior to these services, so usually there is a vegetarian soup supper afterwards at our church on Wednesdays.
Someone asked what "Liturgy" is, it means work, which is what we do when we worship and sacrifice our praise to God. It involves sets of prayers, or litanies, and reading of Psalms, OT or NT reading, the Gospel, and hymns to God, a remembrance of a particular saint or event in Bible, and a homily, or sermon, usually on the daily Bible reading. The service culminates in serving of the Eucharist.
Lent is a time for asking forgiveness, searching yourself, weeding out the bad, filling the empty space with good. Coming closer to God through prayer. Sure, you can do this all year long, but who has that sense of commitment? I know that around the world, millions of people , Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, and others who chose to, are struggling right along with me. I can make another pot of beans because I know there are millions of other moms doing the same thing. I can get on my knees without too much self-consciousness because I know others are also. I can "stop the noise" and read my Bible. I can take food to the food pantry. I can ask forgiveness of those around me for sins I have committed against them. I can start to forgive others. Yes, yes, I can. I should. I have, I will continue, because I need the practice, and I'm lousy with sin myself.
If you are in Lent, let's do it together, pressing on toward the goal of Jesus Christ, our Glorious Pascha!
Pascha means Passover in Greek. Jesus came to fulfill all that was prepared before Him in the OT. He is the Passover. The One who gets us to God.
Hebrews 12: 1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Dianne , who needs to do it all better
Fasting plays a great part, but is not the sole reason for Lent. It is part of learning obedience, and to lead you into a more prayerful life. Less time spent on food, more time for God. Two weeks before, we have Meatfare week, which is a time to clean out the cupboards and refrigerator of meat products. The next week is Cheesefare week, which is a time to clean out and eat up all the dairy. Then during Lent, we are expected to eat a mostly vegan diet. This week ended last Sunday night with Forgiveness Sunday service, the official start to Lent. The Forgiveness Service is a time for everyone in the parish to recognize the need to forgive because God forgives. I have a hard time with this one, because forgiveness is a practice I've had to teach myself, I am not a very forgiving person. Shamefully, I must admit that I didn't go this year.
During this first week of Lent we have several services. The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, which involves lots of prostrations, speaks of our need for mercy and forgiveness from God. We are also reminded that Jesus Christ was born of the flesh of a woman and from the Spirit, so that He is fully God and fully man. Many people are mistaken about the use of Mary in our worship. Mary is called forth as a reminder of this miracle of God's presence among us.
Anyway, on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent we have Presanctified Liturgy. We are not allowed to have a full communion service during the weeks of Lent, only on Sundays, so the priest prepares enough bread and wine on Sundays to last for two more services during the week. We are to fast prior to these services, so usually there is a vegetarian soup supper afterwards at our church on Wednesdays.
Someone asked what "Liturgy" is, it means work, which is what we do when we worship and sacrifice our praise to God. It involves sets of prayers, or litanies, and reading of Psalms, OT or NT reading, the Gospel, and hymns to God, a remembrance of a particular saint or event in Bible, and a homily, or sermon, usually on the daily Bible reading. The service culminates in serving of the Eucharist.
Lent is a time for asking forgiveness, searching yourself, weeding out the bad, filling the empty space with good. Coming closer to God through prayer. Sure, you can do this all year long, but who has that sense of commitment? I know that around the world, millions of people , Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, and others who chose to, are struggling right along with me. I can make another pot of beans because I know there are millions of other moms doing the same thing. I can get on my knees without too much self-consciousness because I know others are also. I can "stop the noise" and read my Bible. I can take food to the food pantry. I can ask forgiveness of those around me for sins I have committed against them. I can start to forgive others. Yes, yes, I can. I should. I have, I will continue, because I need the practice, and I'm lousy with sin myself.
If you are in Lent, let's do it together, pressing on toward the goal of Jesus Christ, our Glorious Pascha!
Pascha means Passover in Greek. Jesus came to fulfill all that was prepared before Him in the OT. He is the Passover. The One who gets us to God.
Hebrews 12: 1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Dianne , who needs to do it all better
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Will there be enough evidence to convict me?
What if we lived in a country that was not Christian friendly? What if any evidence found against me could get me thrown into prison, my livelihood taken away, my meeting place burned down, and my family separated, or murdered?
Would there be enough evidence in my life to convict me?
I think we live in a time and place in America where being Christian is an easy thing. I can wear a bracelet with WWJD? on it. How about an "In God We Trust" license plate, provided by the state? THAT would make me easy to track as I cut off the guy in the next lane, and shake my fist at him. I can slap a "fish" sticker right there on my bumper, just in case anyone is confused by my actual behavior. Yea, boy, they'd know I'm a Christian, because when I get out of my car at the movie theater to watch a less than stellar movie, I'd have on my "__________________"* t-shirt.
*insert any catchy "I'm cool 'cause I'm a Christian, and you're not" phrase
If the thought police listened to my music collection, would I have anything there to convict me? I'm not a great lover of "Christian radio music," so that wouldn't be there to confuse them. You know the stuff, the singers dress, act, and sing like secular artists, but insert God occasionally, and try to sound sincere as their sales soar, and THEIR name is on everyone's lips at the awards shows. What about the movies I rent? The books I read? The groups I belong to? What do I allow my children access to? Would that convict me of being Christian?
Lately, my priest, Father Joel, has been calling our attention during prayers to Christians around the world who are in peril because of the governments that rule them. Egypt, Iraq, Indonesia, China...... the list goes on. In some of these places, just having a Bible, or not attending Mosque could get your house ransacked, burned, or your family assaulted. Would I still get up on Sunday mornings for liturgy (the work of the church, the communion service)and leave my house if I knew there would be a spy at the end of the street writing down my name?
Several faith traditions within Christianity revere saints. We name them at services, we have their pictures or icons on our walls, we name our churches and schools for them. We hold up them up as testimony to lives given in worship of the Trinity. I don't necessarily want to die the bloody death of a martyr, as those mentioned in Hebrews 11. I just wonder where I would be if anti-Christian troops marched down my street.
One 20th century martyr, St. John of Chicago, lived close enough in time for me to relate to his sainthood, and to his stand against anti-Christian forces. He was a Russian priest who came to America in the late 1800's to start churches and schools in the Chicago area. He returned to Russia and on Oct. 31, 1917, during a revolutionary battle in his town, he and other priests started prayer services "for the victory of the Cossacks"..
"The priests were captured and sent to the headquarters of the Council of the Workers and Soldier Deputies. A priest, Fr John Kochurov, was trying to protest and to clarify the situation. He was hit several times on his face. With cheers and yelling the enraged mob conveyed him to the Tsarskoye Selo aerodrome. Several rifles were raised against the defenseless pastor. A shot thundered out, then another, after which the priest fell down on the ground, and blood spilled upon his cassock. Death did not come to him immediately... He was pulled by his hair, and somebody suggested, Finish him off like a dog. The next morning the body was brought into the former palace hospital."
http://sainttikhons.org/St._John_Kochurov.html
I wouldn't fault any Russian Christians who ran and hid that day. Many who gathered to pray and worship during this battle knew that they wouldn't make it home. Their lives were testimony to the presence that God had in their lives.
My shirt for the today should say "WWIBWTCFTC?*
*Where Will I Be When They Come For The Christians?
I hope there is enough evidence to convict me.
Hebrews 11:35-37...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment.. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.
Dianne, not worthy
Would there be enough evidence in my life to convict me?
I think we live in a time and place in America where being Christian is an easy thing. I can wear a bracelet with WWJD? on it. How about an "In God We Trust" license plate, provided by the state? THAT would make me easy to track as I cut off the guy in the next lane, and shake my fist at him. I can slap a "fish" sticker right there on my bumper, just in case anyone is confused by my actual behavior. Yea, boy, they'd know I'm a Christian, because when I get out of my car at the movie theater to watch a less than stellar movie, I'd have on my "__________________"* t-shirt.
*insert any catchy "I'm cool 'cause I'm a Christian, and you're not" phrase
If the thought police listened to my music collection, would I have anything there to convict me? I'm not a great lover of "Christian radio music," so that wouldn't be there to confuse them. You know the stuff, the singers dress, act, and sing like secular artists, but insert God occasionally, and try to sound sincere as their sales soar, and THEIR name is on everyone's lips at the awards shows. What about the movies I rent? The books I read? The groups I belong to? What do I allow my children access to? Would that convict me of being Christian?
Lately, my priest, Father Joel, has been calling our attention during prayers to Christians around the world who are in peril because of the governments that rule them. Egypt, Iraq, Indonesia, China...... the list goes on. In some of these places, just having a Bible, or not attending Mosque could get your house ransacked, burned, or your family assaulted. Would I still get up on Sunday mornings for liturgy (the work of the church, the communion service)and leave my house if I knew there would be a spy at the end of the street writing down my name?
Several faith traditions within Christianity revere saints. We name them at services, we have their pictures or icons on our walls, we name our churches and schools for them. We hold up them up as testimony to lives given in worship of the Trinity. I don't necessarily want to die the bloody death of a martyr, as those mentioned in Hebrews 11. I just wonder where I would be if anti-Christian troops marched down my street.
One 20th century martyr, St. John of Chicago, lived close enough in time for me to relate to his sainthood, and to his stand against anti-Christian forces. He was a Russian priest who came to America in the late 1800's to start churches and schools in the Chicago area. He returned to Russia and on Oct. 31, 1917, during a revolutionary battle in his town, he and other priests started prayer services "for the victory of the Cossacks"..
"The priests were captured and sent to the headquarters of the Council of the Workers and Soldier Deputies. A priest, Fr John Kochurov, was trying to protest and to clarify the situation. He was hit several times on his face. With cheers and yelling the enraged mob conveyed him to the Tsarskoye Selo aerodrome. Several rifles were raised against the defenseless pastor. A shot thundered out, then another, after which the priest fell down on the ground, and blood spilled upon his cassock. Death did not come to him immediately... He was pulled by his hair, and somebody suggested, Finish him off like a dog. The next morning the body was brought into the former palace hospital."
http://sainttikhons.org/St._John_Kochurov.html
I wouldn't fault any Russian Christians who ran and hid that day. Many who gathered to pray and worship during this battle knew that they wouldn't make it home. Their lives were testimony to the presence that God had in their lives.
My shirt for the today should say "WWIBWTCFTC?*
*Where Will I Be When They Come For The Christians?
I hope there is enough evidence to convict me.
Hebrews 11:35-37...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment.. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.
Dianne, not worthy
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Unbelievable Renewal
We've had a hard, long, cold, icy winter here in the midwest. Most conversation usually turns to "no more snow, or the weather man is outa here." We're sick and tired of it. The yards are brown, the driveways are muddy, the cars are dirty, and our spirits are down.
But the promise of spring is just around the corner. I saw green poking up in our church garden on Sunday. I even waded into the mud in my good shoes to pull back dead leaves to find daylilies inviting themselves into the sun. That gave me a little sweet surprise, something to pull out and remember throughout a busy week.
I also watched a gardening show this week on television. It's a good thing we don't have cable, or I'd be on Home and Garden station all the time. The demonstrators were walking through a magnificent, green, abundant, lush, full tropical garden, I could almost smell it. The weird thing was that I had almost forgotten what that was like. It was as if I was Alice, looking through a glass into another existence. People in t-shirts and shorts, a soft breeze, sunshine, green everywhere, it gave me quite a yearning to be there. It seemed like spring and summer were just a far off dream, somewhere we will never get to this year. I felt I had peeked into paradise.
Then I wondered about what Heaven will be like. In Orthodoxy, when we join together in liturgy, the communion service, we believe we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven, that we are surrounded by clouds of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). We say-- "Blessed is the Kingdom, of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen."
But there is more to the Kingdom than this earthly existence we share. Infinitely more. What of the Heaven that we are told of in the last chapters of Revelation? All this, all that surrounds us, our earth, our homes, our stuff, will all pass away, and we will be living with a new heaven and a new earth. There will be no sea, nothing to separate us, or make us different. We will be in union with God. We will be the bride, he will be the Groom. And it won't be an earthly marriage, one that can be tossed away, but one that keeps us eternally joined to God. It was revealed to St. John in Revelation 21 that EVERY tear will be wiped away, there will be no more death, no more sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain. All former things will pass.
When we were children, didn't we want our parents to wipe away our tears, take away the pain, the sorrow, and the little deaths we suffered through every day? Most people reading this blog are adults, and for many, there is no one who fills this roll on earth any more. I know many who are suffering terrible pain, loss, and hurt, I can't take it away, I can't wipe away all the silent, unshed tears. I can help, but really, at the end of the day, it is still there, haunting dreams, and stealing sleep.
Imagine this perfect world that is waiting for us. Imagine our heavenly Father, taking away all the past. We won't even have a memory of our pains, sorrows, and tears. All will be new and fresh, just like in that gardening show, only much better--an unbelievable place, full of love and our eternal union with God.
Enter Lent with the image of this perfect Heaven in your heart and mind. This is our ultimate goal, this is where our souls yearn to be. Wake up in the mornings, sure of the knowledge that God will lead us there. He wants to take away all that troubles you, all the pain, sorrow, and hurt. He wants us to live forever with Him in Heaven, in a beautiful, perfect place.
From Revelation 22:17 And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.
Dianne
yearning for union with God
But the promise of spring is just around the corner. I saw green poking up in our church garden on Sunday. I even waded into the mud in my good shoes to pull back dead leaves to find daylilies inviting themselves into the sun. That gave me a little sweet surprise, something to pull out and remember throughout a busy week.
I also watched a gardening show this week on television. It's a good thing we don't have cable, or I'd be on Home and Garden station all the time. The demonstrators were walking through a magnificent, green, abundant, lush, full tropical garden, I could almost smell it. The weird thing was that I had almost forgotten what that was like. It was as if I was Alice, looking through a glass into another existence. People in t-shirts and shorts, a soft breeze, sunshine, green everywhere, it gave me quite a yearning to be there. It seemed like spring and summer were just a far off dream, somewhere we will never get to this year. I felt I had peeked into paradise.
Then I wondered about what Heaven will be like. In Orthodoxy, when we join together in liturgy, the communion service, we believe we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven, that we are surrounded by clouds of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). We say-- "Blessed is the Kingdom, of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen."
But there is more to the Kingdom than this earthly existence we share. Infinitely more. What of the Heaven that we are told of in the last chapters of Revelation? All this, all that surrounds us, our earth, our homes, our stuff, will all pass away, and we will be living with a new heaven and a new earth. There will be no sea, nothing to separate us, or make us different. We will be in union with God. We will be the bride, he will be the Groom. And it won't be an earthly marriage, one that can be tossed away, but one that keeps us eternally joined to God. It was revealed to St. John in Revelation 21 that EVERY tear will be wiped away, there will be no more death, no more sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain. All former things will pass.
When we were children, didn't we want our parents to wipe away our tears, take away the pain, the sorrow, and the little deaths we suffered through every day? Most people reading this blog are adults, and for many, there is no one who fills this roll on earth any more. I know many who are suffering terrible pain, loss, and hurt, I can't take it away, I can't wipe away all the silent, unshed tears. I can help, but really, at the end of the day, it is still there, haunting dreams, and stealing sleep.
Imagine this perfect world that is waiting for us. Imagine our heavenly Father, taking away all the past. We won't even have a memory of our pains, sorrows, and tears. All will be new and fresh, just like in that gardening show, only much better--an unbelievable place, full of love and our eternal union with God.
Enter Lent with the image of this perfect Heaven in your heart and mind. This is our ultimate goal, this is where our souls yearn to be. Wake up in the mornings, sure of the knowledge that God will lead us there. He wants to take away all that troubles you, all the pain, sorrow, and hurt. He wants us to live forever with Him in Heaven, in a beautiful, perfect place.
From Revelation 22:17 And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.
Dianne
yearning for union with God
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Hating My Will
This will be a hard one to write. I just had to listen to my own will, and use my mouth to wound another person, a teenage girl, for pity's sake, someone who just hit me wrong with an attitude that maybe she didn't even realize she was projecting. I just HAD to dump on her, I just HAD to show HER who was superior, I just HAD to triumph. Well, and shouldn't I feel all superior, since I was able to do all that? I put her in her place. I let her know that I wasn't going to take any nonsense from her, the bug on the wall that I think she is.
Sheesh...
What a creep...
Jesus said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. " Matt 6:14-15
There's no wishy-washy there, there's no "well, you were justified in your feelings," or "okay, you were having a bad day." Or, how about my favorite excuse?
--"because it made me feel better/bigger/older/wiser/."..ad naseum.
Jesus said IF you forgive , you are forgiven.
If I don't forgive, he won't forgive me. Period.
Now I gotta go into dance class, with my big girl pants on, and humble myself to a 16 year-old girl. My own stupid fault. My own stupid will. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But if I don't forgive, if I don't humble myself to her, what has she learned from an older Christian woman? Anger is justified. Rudeness can be justified. You can say what you want, no matter the outcome, and then ignore the results. Forgiveness is not necessary. Asking forgiveness is not necessary. Follow your feelings.
Not something I want someone else teaching my kids, so I guess I had better not teach them to her mother's child.
Jesus said to the crowd,"But those things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies, These are the things that defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man." Matt. 15: 18-20
My first lesson of Lent. I know it doesn't start until next Sunday night, but this year, it came for me early.
Dianne, a sinner
Note from author, after losing sleep over this.
I guess this is not so much about me forgiving her, as it is me getting past the thing she did that I reacted to.
I have to forgive her first, "get over it," to see my own smutty sin in my reaction, to not hold a grudge, to not feel superior in my "besting" of her.
Sort of like "Why should I apologize, she deserved it!" Not a great attitude to carry around with me.
Sheesh...
What a creep...
Jesus said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. " Matt 6:14-15
There's no wishy-washy there, there's no "well, you were justified in your feelings," or "okay, you were having a bad day." Or, how about my favorite excuse?
--"because it made me feel better/bigger/older/wiser/."..ad naseum.
Jesus said IF you forgive , you are forgiven.
If I don't forgive, he won't forgive me. Period.
Now I gotta go into dance class, with my big girl pants on, and humble myself to a 16 year-old girl. My own stupid fault. My own stupid will. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But if I don't forgive, if I don't humble myself to her, what has she learned from an older Christian woman? Anger is justified. Rudeness can be justified. You can say what you want, no matter the outcome, and then ignore the results. Forgiveness is not necessary. Asking forgiveness is not necessary. Follow your feelings.
Not something I want someone else teaching my kids, so I guess I had better not teach them to her mother's child.
Jesus said to the crowd,"But those things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies, These are the things that defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man." Matt. 15: 18-20
My first lesson of Lent. I know it doesn't start until next Sunday night, but this year, it came for me early.
Dianne, a sinner
Note from author, after losing sleep over this.
I guess this is not so much about me forgiving her, as it is me getting past the thing she did that I reacted to.
I have to forgive her first, "get over it," to see my own smutty sin in my reaction, to not hold a grudge, to not feel superior in my "besting" of her.
Sort of like "Why should I apologize, she deserved it!" Not a great attitude to carry around with me.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Nailed by My Sins at Vespers, Again
Feb. 22--Today we commemorate the Nine Righteous Children of Kola who were martyred in the 6th century, in southern Georgia, they chose Christ over their pagan families. They were stoned to death by their parents. http://ocafs.oca.org/FeastSaintsViewer.asp?FSID=103817
My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night, it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings. We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world. I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v. There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else, so I guess I'm not missing much.
Every week it's the same old thing, read the Psalms, say the prayers, kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards. We Orthodox love our written prayers, they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think.
So what does God do about this? He wrote those Psalms a long time ago. Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out. A little check list, of sorts. "Okay, Dianne, you heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"
The words that nail me to my own cross are
Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.
Ouch! I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind. I have a mouth, and I use it for sin. I use it for excuses for those sins. I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin. I can divert others' attention away from my sin. I use my tongue to point out the sins of others. I complain with those lips. I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips. And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids, and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice. I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.
So why put myself through all that? Why not be my own Self, live the way I want to? Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better?
Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin. He is the most authentic lover of my soul. He knows I struggle daily. He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all. He still loves me.
I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me. No matter what passes my lips, he forgives me. He lets me get up and try again tomorrow. Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have.
During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian, and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be. At the feet of Christ, unworthy.
a link to St. Ephem's prayer, and commentary by Fr. Alexander Schmemann
please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers, our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.
Lord, have mercy.
Dianne, a sinner
My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night, it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings. We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world. I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v. There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else, so I guess I'm not missing much.
Every week it's the same old thing, read the Psalms, say the prayers, kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards. We Orthodox love our written prayers, they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think.
So what does God do about this? He wrote those Psalms a long time ago. Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out. A little check list, of sorts. "Okay, Dianne, you heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"
The words that nail me to my own cross are
Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.
Ouch! I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind. I have a mouth, and I use it for sin. I use it for excuses for those sins. I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin. I can divert others' attention away from my sin. I use my tongue to point out the sins of others. I complain with those lips. I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips. And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids, and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice. I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.
So why put myself through all that? Why not be my own Self, live the way I want to? Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better?
Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin. He is the most authentic lover of my soul. He knows I struggle daily. He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all. He still loves me.
I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me. No matter what passes my lips, he forgives me. He lets me get up and try again tomorrow. Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have.
During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian, and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be. At the feet of Christ, unworthy.
O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk. But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant. Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother; For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen
please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers, our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.
Lord, have mercy.
Dianne, a sinner
Friday, February 18, 2011
Not a Very Sweet Dream
Lord, Have Mercy.
I have frequent, vivid dreams, many I remember fully when I wake up, to my husband's chagrin. I usually make him stand there and listen to it all, while his stomach is growling.
Early this morning, I dreamed I was somewhere in Indianapolis with Bill. He wanted me to stay with him there so we could go home together. I just really didn't want that. I wanted to go off by myself and do as I pleased. I wanted so badly to go to this fantastic new shopping place near Indianapolis, where I would be perfectly happy. No one knew exactly where it was, it was just somewhere "over there" on the Indy map. I drove downtown, parked on a street, took out a huge bag of "stuff" and started walking. I also had on a man's suit jacket and some shorts. I finally got to where I thought I wanted to be. It was not really what I thought it would be at all. Bill showed up there, and wanted me to go home with him, and not be out there by myself. I threw a fit, took everything out of my bulging bag, threw it on the ground, and took off in a huff, I was going to do what I wanted to do, hang him. I then buttoned up the suit jacket, and it appeared that I had on no garments underneath. I was not dressed well at all for what I wanted to be doing, hanging out downtown wasting time, feeding my own wants and cravings. Well, suddenly I was in a dark, lonely building, trying to put my walking shoes on. I came down the stairs, and two really creepy guys tried to grab me. I ran out of the building and down the street, back towards my car. There were empty lots and old buildings everywhere I looked, nothing new. or exciting, nothing that would draw me in, nothing at all like I thought it should look. I was afraid of walking by myself, there were crowds of people walking about, all in this wasteland of emptiness. I thought I spotted my car, but a gang of teen boys was coming towards me. I woke myself up.
I'm no expert on dream reading, but I'm sure this one is not hard at all to understand. Bill is God (don't tell him!), I am a willful sinner, "downtown" is turning away from God--the bright lights of sin. The ruined city is what Satan really has waiting for us as a result of sin--a wasteland, a prison. The bad outfit? I was totally unprepared to be out on my own, without God.
This Psalm is read during Vespers, on Saturday evenings at St. Stephen the First Martyr, and at all Orthodox Churches around the world. It bears repeating every Saturday night as a reminder that we need God's help to get us out of all the lonely wastelands we willfully choose to inhabit in our lives.
Psalm 141 (142):4-8
When my spirit fainted within me,
Then You knew my paths;
For on the way I was going, they hid a trap for me.
I looked on my right, and saw
There was no one who knew me;
Refuge failed me,
And there was no one who cared for my soul.
I cried to You, O Lord;
I said, "You are my hope,
My portion in the land of the living,
Attend to my supplication,
For I was humbled exceedlingly;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I am.
Bring my soul out of prison
To give thanks to Your name, O Lord;
The righteous shall wait for me,
Until you reward me. "
Memory Eternal - Marlene Chastain, wife, mother, teacher
Dianne, willful sinner
I have frequent, vivid dreams, many I remember fully when I wake up, to my husband's chagrin. I usually make him stand there and listen to it all, while his stomach is growling.
Early this morning, I dreamed I was somewhere in Indianapolis with Bill. He wanted me to stay with him there so we could go home together. I just really didn't want that. I wanted to go off by myself and do as I pleased. I wanted so badly to go to this fantastic new shopping place near Indianapolis, where I would be perfectly happy. No one knew exactly where it was, it was just somewhere "over there" on the Indy map. I drove downtown, parked on a street, took out a huge bag of "stuff" and started walking. I also had on a man's suit jacket and some shorts. I finally got to where I thought I wanted to be. It was not really what I thought it would be at all. Bill showed up there, and wanted me to go home with him, and not be out there by myself. I threw a fit, took everything out of my bulging bag, threw it on the ground, and took off in a huff, I was going to do what I wanted to do, hang him. I then buttoned up the suit jacket, and it appeared that I had on no garments underneath. I was not dressed well at all for what I wanted to be doing, hanging out downtown wasting time, feeding my own wants and cravings. Well, suddenly I was in a dark, lonely building, trying to put my walking shoes on. I came down the stairs, and two really creepy guys tried to grab me. I ran out of the building and down the street, back towards my car. There were empty lots and old buildings everywhere I looked, nothing new. or exciting, nothing that would draw me in, nothing at all like I thought it should look. I was afraid of walking by myself, there were crowds of people walking about, all in this wasteland of emptiness. I thought I spotted my car, but a gang of teen boys was coming towards me. I woke myself up.
I'm no expert on dream reading, but I'm sure this one is not hard at all to understand. Bill is God (don't tell him!), I am a willful sinner, "downtown" is turning away from God--the bright lights of sin. The ruined city is what Satan really has waiting for us as a result of sin--a wasteland, a prison. The bad outfit? I was totally unprepared to be out on my own, without God.
This Psalm is read during Vespers, on Saturday evenings at St. Stephen the First Martyr, and at all Orthodox Churches around the world. It bears repeating every Saturday night as a reminder that we need God's help to get us out of all the lonely wastelands we willfully choose to inhabit in our lives.
Psalm 141 (142):4-8
When my spirit fainted within me,
Then You knew my paths;
For on the way I was going, they hid a trap for me.
I looked on my right, and saw
There was no one who knew me;
Refuge failed me,
And there was no one who cared for my soul.
I cried to You, O Lord;
I said, "You are my hope,
My portion in the land of the living,
Attend to my supplication,
For I was humbled exceedlingly;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I am.
Bring my soul out of prison
To give thanks to Your name, O Lord;
The righteous shall wait for me,
Until you reward me. "
Memory Eternal - Marlene Chastain, wife, mother, teacher
Dianne, willful sinner
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Why Don't I Run To God?
Yesterday I think I hit home with many people on how we all REALLY pray. Distracted, half-awake, hardly believing it does anything anyway. I say the words, wondering if God is really paying attention to anything I have to say. Can he be bothered with me knocking on the door? Why should He? I'm standing there, distracted, half-awake, hardly believing. If one of my kids talked to me like that, I wouldn't listen either.
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion. She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America. Being liturgical is just part of her and my life. Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup? Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?" I think it should be the same with prayer. Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him? He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better? When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am? I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it, go look. Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say. Look at the words of Jesus, read the Beatitudes. God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher. We need to acknowledge him with prayer. Whispered words throughout our day. We can start with this.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Psalm 50 (51) (I found out what this means. Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)
Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a
Dianne, a sinner
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion. She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America. Being liturgical is just part of her and my life. Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup? Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?" I think it should be the same with prayer. Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him? He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better? When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am? I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it, go look. Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say. Look at the words of Jesus, read the Beatitudes. God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher. We need to acknowledge him with prayer. Whispered words throughout our day. We can start with this.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Psalm 50 (51) (I found out what this means. Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)
Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a
Dianne, a sinner
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My Prayer Life....Ha!
OKay, I actually GOT UP from the computer to say prayers before I wrote today. While standing there, I fluffed my hair, blew my nose, said my prayers in my head, listened to the trash truck pick up in front of my house, and wondered how clever I could be in my blog today. Ick. Never mind that I just spent an hour messing around looking at knitting sites because I can't seem to get motivated today. This was after watching, dull-eyed, the news this morning, which consisted of fighting, arguing, sickness, lust, and nonsense.
I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this.
I need to put God first. I need to be totally dependent on him. I need to decrease, he needs to increase.
I need to turn off the t.v. I need to get up every morning and pray.
I guess I need to actually start writing down my prayer list, and read it, as the priest does in the litany. Today I did remember to "Memory Eternal" these people
My Grandparents Claude,Anna Marie, Harold, Annie
Our fathers Bill and Bob
Our aunts and uncles Mary, George, John, Martha, Lillian, Bill, Joan, William
Those in need of healing
Lyn, Don
Elaine, Raven
others (some I'll keep to myself)
Those in prison
Richard
I used the Nativity icon for prayer this morning. I noticed that even as Mary is gazing upon her new, beautiful baby, her hand is pointing to Heaven. Even the rocks point to Heaven, maybe I should look up occasionally.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
A great Psalm to help remember our LORD in prayer.
-from The Orthodox Study Bible, St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology, Thomas Nelson Publishers,Nashville, TN. 2008.
Psalm 103:1-6
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And everything within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His rewards:
Who is merciful to all your transgressions,
Who heals all your disease,
Who redeems your life from corruption,
Who crowns you with mercy and compassion,
Who satisfies your desire with good things;
And your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord shows mercies
And judgment to all who are wronged.
Now I'm going to get up and try it again, this time with the Bible in front of me, never hurts to have a crib sheet.
Dianne, a miserable prayer
I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this.
I need to put God first. I need to be totally dependent on him. I need to decrease, he needs to increase.
I need to turn off the t.v. I need to get up every morning and pray.
I guess I need to actually start writing down my prayer list, and read it, as the priest does in the litany. Today I did remember to "Memory Eternal" these people
My Grandparents Claude,Anna Marie, Harold, Annie
Our fathers Bill and Bob
Our aunts and uncles Mary, George, John, Martha, Lillian, Bill, Joan, William
Those in need of healing
Lyn, Don
Elaine, Raven
others (some I'll keep to myself)
Those in prison
Richard
I used the Nativity icon for prayer this morning. I noticed that even as Mary is gazing upon her new, beautiful baby, her hand is pointing to Heaven. Even the rocks point to Heaven, maybe I should look up occasionally.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
A great Psalm to help remember our LORD in prayer.
-from The Orthodox Study Bible, St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology, Thomas Nelson Publishers,Nashville, TN. 2008.
Psalm 103:1-6
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And everything within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His rewards:
Who is merciful to all your transgressions,
Who heals all your disease,
Who redeems your life from corruption,
Who crowns you with mercy and compassion,
Who satisfies your desire with good things;
And your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord shows mercies
And judgment to all who are wronged.
Now I'm going to get up and try it again, this time with the Bible in front of me, never hurts to have a crib sheet.
Dianne, a miserable prayer
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday mornings
Ah, Monday mornings. My husband and kids gather their bags, their coats, and their wits as they pile out the door for high school. It didn't used to be this way. I homeschooled my kids for 12 years, all through the eighth grade. We would spend our mornings, sometimes still in our jammies, gathered around a great pile of books, reading away our mornings. We had regular Bibles, picture Bibles, Bible on CD, Bible story books, Bible games. I'm telling you, we were getting holy. We watched Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and anyone else we could find in a movie. We sang about Jesus, Zaccheus, Abraham, and all the angel songs we could get.
I filled them up with scripture, having them do their handwriting practice with the verse of the day.
Now they are all teens. I don't have (or make) the time I used to in schooling them to sit down and read scripture with them. There's no copy work, no cute picture books. For them, they have begun the hard process of living life within the boundaries we have established for them. Sometimes they push those boundaries, sometimes we have to let them out a bit. They are learning to live out the words of the Bible, that it's not just a book to read. They learn more now, it seems, from watching us and how we react to things. Are we being hypocrites? Do we live by all those words I shoved into their heads? Do we "walk the walk?" Do we live the Gospel?
My husband and I could be voted the most boring parents in the world. We are here most Friday and Saturday nights, we go to church three times a week, (mostly), and we kiss in front of the kids. He plays on the computer, I knit, or read. My kids have discovered that their lives are pretty unique in their school, with an intact family, mom at home, and they eat meals at home, together. They have friends that they bring home that have terrible hurt and pain, with broken families and broken hearts. The Bible lessons I hope I'm teaching them now are not so much word for word, but action upon action. Open your heart, open your doors, open you refrigerator.
These things we should write on the bathroom walls....
Be careful , be vigilant, be discerning. Be loving, be kind, be generous. Be faithful, be loyal, be genuine. Be truthful, be real, be strong. Love the Father, follow Jesus, listen to the Holy Spirit.
When you are the only one left, continue standing.
From What the Church Fathers Say About,,,Vol. I ed. by George Grube. Light and Life Pub., Minneapolis, MN; 1996.
by St. John Chrysostom (Golden Tongue) he lived in the 400's. not much has changed.
(speaking on raising boys) Like the creator of statues, do you give all your leisure to fashioning these wondrous statues for God. And , as you remove what is superfluous and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day, to see what good qualities nature has supplied, so that you will increase them, and what faults so that you will eradicate them. And first of all, take the greatest care to banish licentious speech; for love of this above all frets the young. Before he is of an age to try it, teach thy son to be sober and vigilant and to shorten sleep for the sake of prayer, and with every word and deed to set upon himself the seal of the faith. Regard thyself as a king ruling over a city, which is the soul of thy son. For the soul is, in truth, a city.
Dianne, a sinner
I filled them up with scripture, having them do their handwriting practice with the verse of the day.
Now they are all teens. I don't have (or make) the time I used to in schooling them to sit down and read scripture with them. There's no copy work, no cute picture books. For them, they have begun the hard process of living life within the boundaries we have established for them. Sometimes they push those boundaries, sometimes we have to let them out a bit. They are learning to live out the words of the Bible, that it's not just a book to read. They learn more now, it seems, from watching us and how we react to things. Are we being hypocrites? Do we live by all those words I shoved into their heads? Do we "walk the walk?" Do we live the Gospel?
My husband and I could be voted the most boring parents in the world. We are here most Friday and Saturday nights, we go to church three times a week, (mostly), and we kiss in front of the kids. He plays on the computer, I knit, or read. My kids have discovered that their lives are pretty unique in their school, with an intact family, mom at home, and they eat meals at home, together. They have friends that they bring home that have terrible hurt and pain, with broken families and broken hearts. The Bible lessons I hope I'm teaching them now are not so much word for word, but action upon action. Open your heart, open your doors, open you refrigerator.
These things we should write on the bathroom walls....
Be careful , be vigilant, be discerning. Be loving, be kind, be generous. Be faithful, be loyal, be genuine. Be truthful, be real, be strong. Love the Father, follow Jesus, listen to the Holy Spirit.
When you are the only one left, continue standing.
From What the Church Fathers Say About,,,Vol. I ed. by George Grube. Light and Life Pub., Minneapolis, MN; 1996.
by St. John Chrysostom (Golden Tongue) he lived in the 400's. not much has changed.
(speaking on raising boys) Like the creator of statues, do you give all your leisure to fashioning these wondrous statues for God. And , as you remove what is superfluous and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day, to see what good qualities nature has supplied, so that you will increase them, and what faults so that you will eradicate them. And first of all, take the greatest care to banish licentious speech; for love of this above all frets the young. Before he is of an age to try it, teach thy son to be sober and vigilant and to shorten sleep for the sake of prayer, and with every word and deed to set upon himself the seal of the faith. Regard thyself as a king ruling over a city, which is the soul of thy son. For the soul is, in truth, a city.
Dianne, a sinner
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Lent Approaches
Well, here we go again. Lent approaches, sometimes like an old friend, sometimes like an out-of-control truck heading into your lane. I either want to embrace it, or run back to Protestantism. Services, over and over again, pulling me out of my usual routine, and into the embrace of the liturgy. The singing of the Psalms, the chanting, the hymnody, they all tug at me. Asking me to stop the racing of my life, the constant avoidance of self-searching, the constant ignoring of prayer in my life. Lent is supposed to be the time of year that you self-inspect, spend time weeding out junk, and getting closer to God. Well, maybe I like my junk, maybe it will hurt to much to weed it out. I am comfortable with my anger, self-righteousness, hautiness, and laziness. Why should I change? Why should this time of year be any different?
Lent approaches. I rearrange the refrigerator, eliminating meat, dairy, all the good stuff. I rearrange my menus and my shopping. Fasting seems to be an overwhelming part of Lent in the Orthodox Church. I try to justify not fasting, not involving food, "because it's not really about what's going in , it's about what's coming out of you", as in your words and actions, and prayers. I fool myself into thinking I'm "doing" Lent right by following the calendar "menu" daily. I can fool myself into thinking I'm doing it right when I cook "right." I can cook lentils into anything you want, man! Soup? I can make veggie soup out of any three ingredients in my fridge and like it. Why, I even buy organic, whole wheat noodles, transported in eco-friendly trucks, so there.
Lent approaches. I wonder what turmoil Satan has planned for our church family this year. Someone is losing a job this week, someone else will ______________ (fill in the blank). It never fails. He sits on our roof, peering in through the windows in the cupola, his eyes raking through the communicants, searching for an open space, a spot where he can whittle through and then destroy. Every year something happens that stretches our belief, flattens our spirits, makes us question why we do all this.
Satan, get thee behind me.
Lent approaches. Am I ready for it?
Psalm 85(86):1-7
Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my soul,
for I am holy;
O my God, save Your servant,
who hopes in You.
Have mercy on me, O lord.
for all the day long I will cry to You.
Gladden the soul of Your servant,
O Lord.
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For You, O Lord, are kind and good,
And very merciful to all who call upon You.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer,
And heed the voice of my supplication.
In the day of my affliction I cried to You,
For You heard me.
Dianne, a sinner
Lent approaches. I rearrange the refrigerator, eliminating meat, dairy, all the good stuff. I rearrange my menus and my shopping. Fasting seems to be an overwhelming part of Lent in the Orthodox Church. I try to justify not fasting, not involving food, "because it's not really about what's going in , it's about what's coming out of you", as in your words and actions, and prayers. I fool myself into thinking I'm "doing" Lent right by following the calendar "menu" daily. I can fool myself into thinking I'm doing it right when I cook "right." I can cook lentils into anything you want, man! Soup? I can make veggie soup out of any three ingredients in my fridge and like it. Why, I even buy organic, whole wheat noodles, transported in eco-friendly trucks, so there.
Lent approaches. I wonder what turmoil Satan has planned for our church family this year. Someone is losing a job this week, someone else will ______________ (fill in the blank). It never fails. He sits on our roof, peering in through the windows in the cupola, his eyes raking through the communicants, searching for an open space, a spot where he can whittle through and then destroy. Every year something happens that stretches our belief, flattens our spirits, makes us question why we do all this.
Satan, get thee behind me.
Lent approaches. Am I ready for it?
Psalm 85(86):1-7
Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my soul,
for I am holy;
O my God, save Your servant,
who hopes in You.
Have mercy on me, O lord.
for all the day long I will cry to You.
Gladden the soul of Your servant,
O Lord.
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For You, O Lord, are kind and good,
And very merciful to all who call upon You.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer,
And heed the voice of my supplication.
In the day of my affliction I cried to You,
For You heard me.
Dianne, a sinner
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