This will be a hard one to write. I just had to listen to my own will, and use my mouth to wound another person, a teenage girl, for pity's sake, someone who just hit me wrong with an attitude that maybe she didn't even realize she was projecting. I just HAD to dump on her, I just HAD to show HER who was superior, I just HAD to triumph. Well, and shouldn't I feel all superior, since I was able to do all that? I put her in her place. I let her know that I wasn't going to take any nonsense from her, the bug on the wall that I think she is.
Sheesh...
What a creep...
Jesus said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. " Matt 6:14-15
There's no wishy-washy there, there's no "well, you were justified in your feelings," or "okay, you were having a bad day." Or, how about my favorite excuse?
--"because it made me feel better/bigger/older/wiser/."..ad naseum.
Jesus said IF you forgive , you are forgiven.
If I don't forgive, he won't forgive me. Period.
Now I gotta go into dance class, with my big girl pants on, and humble myself to a 16 year-old girl. My own stupid fault. My own stupid will. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But if I don't forgive, if I don't humble myself to her, what has she learned from an older Christian woman? Anger is justified. Rudeness can be justified. You can say what you want, no matter the outcome, and then ignore the results. Forgiveness is not necessary. Asking forgiveness is not necessary. Follow your feelings.
Not something I want someone else teaching my kids, so I guess I had better not teach them to her mother's child.
Jesus said to the crowd,"But those things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies, These are the things that defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man." Matt. 15: 18-20
My first lesson of Lent. I know it doesn't start until next Sunday night, but this year, it came for me early.
Dianne, a sinner
Note from author, after losing sleep over this.
I guess this is not so much about me forgiving her, as it is me getting past the thing she did that I reacted to.
I have to forgive her first, "get over it," to see my own smutty sin in my reaction, to not hold a grudge, to not feel superior in my "besting" of her.
Sort of like "Why should I apologize, she deserved it!" Not a great attitude to carry around with me.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Nailed by My Sins at Vespers, Again
Feb. 22--Today we commemorate the Nine Righteous Children of Kola who were martyred in the 6th century, in southern Georgia, they chose Christ over their pagan families. They were stoned to death by their parents. http://ocafs.oca.org/FeastSaintsViewer.asp?FSID=103817
My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night, it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings. We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world. I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v. There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else, so I guess I'm not missing much.
Every week it's the same old thing, read the Psalms, say the prayers, kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards. We Orthodox love our written prayers, they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think.
So what does God do about this? He wrote those Psalms a long time ago. Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out. A little check list, of sorts. "Okay, Dianne, you heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"
The words that nail me to my own cross are
Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.
Ouch! I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind. I have a mouth, and I use it for sin. I use it for excuses for those sins. I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin. I can divert others' attention away from my sin. I use my tongue to point out the sins of others. I complain with those lips. I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips. And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids, and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice. I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.
So why put myself through all that? Why not be my own Self, live the way I want to? Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better?
Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin. He is the most authentic lover of my soul. He knows I struggle daily. He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all. He still loves me.
I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me. No matter what passes my lips, he forgives me. He lets me get up and try again tomorrow. Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have.
During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian, and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be. At the feet of Christ, unworthy.
a link to St. Ephem's prayer, and commentary by Fr. Alexander Schmemann
please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers, our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.
Lord, have mercy.
Dianne, a sinner
My family tries to attend Vespers services every Saturday night, it is the prayer service that precedes Liturgy on Sunday mornings. We read Psalms and say prayers for ourselves, our neighbors, and the world. I am even arrogant enough to think I'm doing "good" by being there, instead of out, doing something worldly, or at home, watching something on t.v. There's nothing on but old music shows on PBS, or sports on everything else, so I guess I'm not missing much.
Every week it's the same old thing, read the Psalms, say the prayers, kiss the icons, stand outside and gab afterwards. We Orthodox love our written prayers, they take away some of our own authority over them, and we don't actually have to think.
So what does God do about this? He wrote those Psalms a long time ago. Even then, he knew that I would need to hear that repetition, week in and week out. A little check list, of sorts. "Okay, Dianne, you heard Psalm 141 again last week, and the week before that, and what have you done about it?"
The words that nail me to my own cross are
Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure and protection around my lips,
Incline not my heart to evil words,
TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SINS.
Ouch! I can't get around this one. When I say it, it seems to light up with neon, blinking lights in my mind. I have a mouth, and I use it for sin. I use it for excuses for those sins. I can talk myself out of believing that I have actually committed sin. I can divert others' attention away from my sin. I use my tongue to point out the sins of others. I complain with those lips. I practice gluttony of heart, soul, and stomach with those lips. And then I dress up on Sundays, come in , sing sweetly, smile at the little kids, and then put those lips on the spoon that feeds me from the chalice. I'm surprised that the Body and Blood of Christ aren't expelled from my body.
So why put myself through all that? Why not be my own Self, live the way I want to? Use my lips for whatever I want, 'cause I'm not doing any better?
Because Christ came to lift me out of my sin. He is the most authentic lover of my soul. He knows I struggle daily. He knows sometimes I don't try as hard as I should, or not at all. He still loves me.
I could never imagine parenting my own children as perfectly as He parents me. No matter what passes my lips, he forgives me. He lets me get up and try again tomorrow. Even writing this shames me because I don't have the reverence for Him that I should have.
During Lent, when we do the prayers of St. Ephrem, the Syrian, and I kneel on the floor, lower my body in obeisance, and then don't get up, do not be alarmed. I'm where I should be. At the feet of Christ, unworthy.
O Lord and Master of my life! Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk. But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant. Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother; For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen
please pray for the healing of Liam's fingers, our priest's son, hairline fractures from bending his fingers all the way back.
Lord, have mercy.
Dianne, a sinner
Friday, February 18, 2011
Not a Very Sweet Dream
Lord, Have Mercy.
I have frequent, vivid dreams, many I remember fully when I wake up, to my husband's chagrin. I usually make him stand there and listen to it all, while his stomach is growling.
Early this morning, I dreamed I was somewhere in Indianapolis with Bill. He wanted me to stay with him there so we could go home together. I just really didn't want that. I wanted to go off by myself and do as I pleased. I wanted so badly to go to this fantastic new shopping place near Indianapolis, where I would be perfectly happy. No one knew exactly where it was, it was just somewhere "over there" on the Indy map. I drove downtown, parked on a street, took out a huge bag of "stuff" and started walking. I also had on a man's suit jacket and some shorts. I finally got to where I thought I wanted to be. It was not really what I thought it would be at all. Bill showed up there, and wanted me to go home with him, and not be out there by myself. I threw a fit, took everything out of my bulging bag, threw it on the ground, and took off in a huff, I was going to do what I wanted to do, hang him. I then buttoned up the suit jacket, and it appeared that I had on no garments underneath. I was not dressed well at all for what I wanted to be doing, hanging out downtown wasting time, feeding my own wants and cravings. Well, suddenly I was in a dark, lonely building, trying to put my walking shoes on. I came down the stairs, and two really creepy guys tried to grab me. I ran out of the building and down the street, back towards my car. There were empty lots and old buildings everywhere I looked, nothing new. or exciting, nothing that would draw me in, nothing at all like I thought it should look. I was afraid of walking by myself, there were crowds of people walking about, all in this wasteland of emptiness. I thought I spotted my car, but a gang of teen boys was coming towards me. I woke myself up.
I'm no expert on dream reading, but I'm sure this one is not hard at all to understand. Bill is God (don't tell him!), I am a willful sinner, "downtown" is turning away from God--the bright lights of sin. The ruined city is what Satan really has waiting for us as a result of sin--a wasteland, a prison. The bad outfit? I was totally unprepared to be out on my own, without God.
This Psalm is read during Vespers, on Saturday evenings at St. Stephen the First Martyr, and at all Orthodox Churches around the world. It bears repeating every Saturday night as a reminder that we need God's help to get us out of all the lonely wastelands we willfully choose to inhabit in our lives.
Psalm 141 (142):4-8
When my spirit fainted within me,
Then You knew my paths;
For on the way I was going, they hid a trap for me.
I looked on my right, and saw
There was no one who knew me;
Refuge failed me,
And there was no one who cared for my soul.
I cried to You, O Lord;
I said, "You are my hope,
My portion in the land of the living,
Attend to my supplication,
For I was humbled exceedlingly;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I am.
Bring my soul out of prison
To give thanks to Your name, O Lord;
The righteous shall wait for me,
Until you reward me. "
Memory Eternal - Marlene Chastain, wife, mother, teacher
Dianne, willful sinner
I have frequent, vivid dreams, many I remember fully when I wake up, to my husband's chagrin. I usually make him stand there and listen to it all, while his stomach is growling.
Early this morning, I dreamed I was somewhere in Indianapolis with Bill. He wanted me to stay with him there so we could go home together. I just really didn't want that. I wanted to go off by myself and do as I pleased. I wanted so badly to go to this fantastic new shopping place near Indianapolis, where I would be perfectly happy. No one knew exactly where it was, it was just somewhere "over there" on the Indy map. I drove downtown, parked on a street, took out a huge bag of "stuff" and started walking. I also had on a man's suit jacket and some shorts. I finally got to where I thought I wanted to be. It was not really what I thought it would be at all. Bill showed up there, and wanted me to go home with him, and not be out there by myself. I threw a fit, took everything out of my bulging bag, threw it on the ground, and took off in a huff, I was going to do what I wanted to do, hang him. I then buttoned up the suit jacket, and it appeared that I had on no garments underneath. I was not dressed well at all for what I wanted to be doing, hanging out downtown wasting time, feeding my own wants and cravings. Well, suddenly I was in a dark, lonely building, trying to put my walking shoes on. I came down the stairs, and two really creepy guys tried to grab me. I ran out of the building and down the street, back towards my car. There were empty lots and old buildings everywhere I looked, nothing new. or exciting, nothing that would draw me in, nothing at all like I thought it should look. I was afraid of walking by myself, there were crowds of people walking about, all in this wasteland of emptiness. I thought I spotted my car, but a gang of teen boys was coming towards me. I woke myself up.
I'm no expert on dream reading, but I'm sure this one is not hard at all to understand. Bill is God (don't tell him!), I am a willful sinner, "downtown" is turning away from God--the bright lights of sin. The ruined city is what Satan really has waiting for us as a result of sin--a wasteland, a prison. The bad outfit? I was totally unprepared to be out on my own, without God.
This Psalm is read during Vespers, on Saturday evenings at St. Stephen the First Martyr, and at all Orthodox Churches around the world. It bears repeating every Saturday night as a reminder that we need God's help to get us out of all the lonely wastelands we willfully choose to inhabit in our lives.
Psalm 141 (142):4-8
When my spirit fainted within me,
Then You knew my paths;
For on the way I was going, they hid a trap for me.
I looked on my right, and saw
There was no one who knew me;
Refuge failed me,
And there was no one who cared for my soul.
I cried to You, O Lord;
I said, "You are my hope,
My portion in the land of the living,
Attend to my supplication,
For I was humbled exceedlingly;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I am.
Bring my soul out of prison
To give thanks to Your name, O Lord;
The righteous shall wait for me,
Until you reward me. "
Memory Eternal - Marlene Chastain, wife, mother, teacher
Dianne, willful sinner
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Why Don't I Run To God?
Yesterday I think I hit home with many people on how we all REALLY pray. Distracted, half-awake, hardly believing it does anything anyway. I say the words, wondering if God is really paying attention to anything I have to say. Can he be bothered with me knocking on the door? Why should He? I'm standing there, distracted, half-awake, hardly believing. If one of my kids talked to me like that, I wouldn't listen either.
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion. She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America. Being liturgical is just part of her and my life. Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup? Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?" I think it should be the same with prayer. Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him? He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better? When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am? I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it, go look. Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say. Look at the words of Jesus, read the Beatitudes. God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher. We need to acknowledge him with prayer. Whispered words throughout our day. We can start with this.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Psalm 50 (51) (I found out what this means. Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)
Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a
Dianne, a sinner
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion. She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America. Being liturgical is just part of her and my life. Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup? Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?" I think it should be the same with prayer. Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him? He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better? When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am? I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it, go look. Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say. Look at the words of Jesus, read the Beatitudes. God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher. We need to acknowledge him with prayer. Whispered words throughout our day. We can start with this.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Psalm 50 (51) (I found out what this means. Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)
Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a
Dianne, a sinner
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My Prayer Life....Ha!
OKay, I actually GOT UP from the computer to say prayers before I wrote today. While standing there, I fluffed my hair, blew my nose, said my prayers in my head, listened to the trash truck pick up in front of my house, and wondered how clever I could be in my blog today. Ick. Never mind that I just spent an hour messing around looking at knitting sites because I can't seem to get motivated today. This was after watching, dull-eyed, the news this morning, which consisted of fighting, arguing, sickness, lust, and nonsense.
I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this.
I need to put God first. I need to be totally dependent on him. I need to decrease, he needs to increase.
I need to turn off the t.v. I need to get up every morning and pray.
I guess I need to actually start writing down my prayer list, and read it, as the priest does in the litany. Today I did remember to "Memory Eternal" these people
My Grandparents Claude,Anna Marie, Harold, Annie
Our fathers Bill and Bob
Our aunts and uncles Mary, George, John, Martha, Lillian, Bill, Joan, William
Those in need of healing
Lyn, Don
Elaine, Raven
others (some I'll keep to myself)
Those in prison
Richard
I used the Nativity icon for prayer this morning. I noticed that even as Mary is gazing upon her new, beautiful baby, her hand is pointing to Heaven. Even the rocks point to Heaven, maybe I should look up occasionally.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
A great Psalm to help remember our LORD in prayer.
-from The Orthodox Study Bible, St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology, Thomas Nelson Publishers,Nashville, TN. 2008.
Psalm 103:1-6
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And everything within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His rewards:
Who is merciful to all your transgressions,
Who heals all your disease,
Who redeems your life from corruption,
Who crowns you with mercy and compassion,
Who satisfies your desire with good things;
And your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord shows mercies
And judgment to all who are wronged.
Now I'm going to get up and try it again, this time with the Bible in front of me, never hurts to have a crib sheet.
Dianne, a miserable prayer
I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this.
I need to put God first. I need to be totally dependent on him. I need to decrease, he needs to increase.
I need to turn off the t.v. I need to get up every morning and pray.
I guess I need to actually start writing down my prayer list, and read it, as the priest does in the litany. Today I did remember to "Memory Eternal" these people
My Grandparents Claude,Anna Marie, Harold, Annie
Our fathers Bill and Bob
Our aunts and uncles Mary, George, John, Martha, Lillian, Bill, Joan, William
Those in need of healing
Lyn, Don
Elaine, Raven
others (some I'll keep to myself)
Those in prison
Richard
I used the Nativity icon for prayer this morning. I noticed that even as Mary is gazing upon her new, beautiful baby, her hand is pointing to Heaven. Even the rocks point to Heaven, maybe I should look up occasionally.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
A great Psalm to help remember our LORD in prayer.
-from The Orthodox Study Bible, St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology, Thomas Nelson Publishers,Nashville, TN. 2008.
Psalm 103:1-6
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And everything within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His rewards:
Who is merciful to all your transgressions,
Who heals all your disease,
Who redeems your life from corruption,
Who crowns you with mercy and compassion,
Who satisfies your desire with good things;
And your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord shows mercies
And judgment to all who are wronged.
Now I'm going to get up and try it again, this time with the Bible in front of me, never hurts to have a crib sheet.
Dianne, a miserable prayer
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday mornings
Ah, Monday mornings. My husband and kids gather their bags, their coats, and their wits as they pile out the door for high school. It didn't used to be this way. I homeschooled my kids for 12 years, all through the eighth grade. We would spend our mornings, sometimes still in our jammies, gathered around a great pile of books, reading away our mornings. We had regular Bibles, picture Bibles, Bible on CD, Bible story books, Bible games. I'm telling you, we were getting holy. We watched Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and anyone else we could find in a movie. We sang about Jesus, Zaccheus, Abraham, and all the angel songs we could get.
I filled them up with scripture, having them do their handwriting practice with the verse of the day.
Now they are all teens. I don't have (or make) the time I used to in schooling them to sit down and read scripture with them. There's no copy work, no cute picture books. For them, they have begun the hard process of living life within the boundaries we have established for them. Sometimes they push those boundaries, sometimes we have to let them out a bit. They are learning to live out the words of the Bible, that it's not just a book to read. They learn more now, it seems, from watching us and how we react to things. Are we being hypocrites? Do we live by all those words I shoved into their heads? Do we "walk the walk?" Do we live the Gospel?
My husband and I could be voted the most boring parents in the world. We are here most Friday and Saturday nights, we go to church three times a week, (mostly), and we kiss in front of the kids. He plays on the computer, I knit, or read. My kids have discovered that their lives are pretty unique in their school, with an intact family, mom at home, and they eat meals at home, together. They have friends that they bring home that have terrible hurt and pain, with broken families and broken hearts. The Bible lessons I hope I'm teaching them now are not so much word for word, but action upon action. Open your heart, open your doors, open you refrigerator.
These things we should write on the bathroom walls....
Be careful , be vigilant, be discerning. Be loving, be kind, be generous. Be faithful, be loyal, be genuine. Be truthful, be real, be strong. Love the Father, follow Jesus, listen to the Holy Spirit.
When you are the only one left, continue standing.
From What the Church Fathers Say About,,,Vol. I ed. by George Grube. Light and Life Pub., Minneapolis, MN; 1996.
by St. John Chrysostom (Golden Tongue) he lived in the 400's. not much has changed.
(speaking on raising boys) Like the creator of statues, do you give all your leisure to fashioning these wondrous statues for God. And , as you remove what is superfluous and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day, to see what good qualities nature has supplied, so that you will increase them, and what faults so that you will eradicate them. And first of all, take the greatest care to banish licentious speech; for love of this above all frets the young. Before he is of an age to try it, teach thy son to be sober and vigilant and to shorten sleep for the sake of prayer, and with every word and deed to set upon himself the seal of the faith. Regard thyself as a king ruling over a city, which is the soul of thy son. For the soul is, in truth, a city.
Dianne, a sinner
I filled them up with scripture, having them do their handwriting practice with the verse of the day.
Now they are all teens. I don't have (or make) the time I used to in schooling them to sit down and read scripture with them. There's no copy work, no cute picture books. For them, they have begun the hard process of living life within the boundaries we have established for them. Sometimes they push those boundaries, sometimes we have to let them out a bit. They are learning to live out the words of the Bible, that it's not just a book to read. They learn more now, it seems, from watching us and how we react to things. Are we being hypocrites? Do we live by all those words I shoved into their heads? Do we "walk the walk?" Do we live the Gospel?
My husband and I could be voted the most boring parents in the world. We are here most Friday and Saturday nights, we go to church three times a week, (mostly), and we kiss in front of the kids. He plays on the computer, I knit, or read. My kids have discovered that their lives are pretty unique in their school, with an intact family, mom at home, and they eat meals at home, together. They have friends that they bring home that have terrible hurt and pain, with broken families and broken hearts. The Bible lessons I hope I'm teaching them now are not so much word for word, but action upon action. Open your heart, open your doors, open you refrigerator.
These things we should write on the bathroom walls....
Be careful , be vigilant, be discerning. Be loving, be kind, be generous. Be faithful, be loyal, be genuine. Be truthful, be real, be strong. Love the Father, follow Jesus, listen to the Holy Spirit.
When you are the only one left, continue standing.
From What the Church Fathers Say About,,,Vol. I ed. by George Grube. Light and Life Pub., Minneapolis, MN; 1996.
by St. John Chrysostom (Golden Tongue) he lived in the 400's. not much has changed.
(speaking on raising boys) Like the creator of statues, do you give all your leisure to fashioning these wondrous statues for God. And , as you remove what is superfluous and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day, to see what good qualities nature has supplied, so that you will increase them, and what faults so that you will eradicate them. And first of all, take the greatest care to banish licentious speech; for love of this above all frets the young. Before he is of an age to try it, teach thy son to be sober and vigilant and to shorten sleep for the sake of prayer, and with every word and deed to set upon himself the seal of the faith. Regard thyself as a king ruling over a city, which is the soul of thy son. For the soul is, in truth, a city.
Dianne, a sinner
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Lent Approaches
Well, here we go again. Lent approaches, sometimes like an old friend, sometimes like an out-of-control truck heading into your lane. I either want to embrace it, or run back to Protestantism. Services, over and over again, pulling me out of my usual routine, and into the embrace of the liturgy. The singing of the Psalms, the chanting, the hymnody, they all tug at me. Asking me to stop the racing of my life, the constant avoidance of self-searching, the constant ignoring of prayer in my life. Lent is supposed to be the time of year that you self-inspect, spend time weeding out junk, and getting closer to God. Well, maybe I like my junk, maybe it will hurt to much to weed it out. I am comfortable with my anger, self-righteousness, hautiness, and laziness. Why should I change? Why should this time of year be any different?
Lent approaches. I rearrange the refrigerator, eliminating meat, dairy, all the good stuff. I rearrange my menus and my shopping. Fasting seems to be an overwhelming part of Lent in the Orthodox Church. I try to justify not fasting, not involving food, "because it's not really about what's going in , it's about what's coming out of you", as in your words and actions, and prayers. I fool myself into thinking I'm "doing" Lent right by following the calendar "menu" daily. I can fool myself into thinking I'm doing it right when I cook "right." I can cook lentils into anything you want, man! Soup? I can make veggie soup out of any three ingredients in my fridge and like it. Why, I even buy organic, whole wheat noodles, transported in eco-friendly trucks, so there.
Lent approaches. I wonder what turmoil Satan has planned for our church family this year. Someone is losing a job this week, someone else will ______________ (fill in the blank). It never fails. He sits on our roof, peering in through the windows in the cupola, his eyes raking through the communicants, searching for an open space, a spot where he can whittle through and then destroy. Every year something happens that stretches our belief, flattens our spirits, makes us question why we do all this.
Satan, get thee behind me.
Lent approaches. Am I ready for it?
Psalm 85(86):1-7
Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my soul,
for I am holy;
O my God, save Your servant,
who hopes in You.
Have mercy on me, O lord.
for all the day long I will cry to You.
Gladden the soul of Your servant,
O Lord.
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For You, O Lord, are kind and good,
And very merciful to all who call upon You.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer,
And heed the voice of my supplication.
In the day of my affliction I cried to You,
For You heard me.
Dianne, a sinner
Lent approaches. I rearrange the refrigerator, eliminating meat, dairy, all the good stuff. I rearrange my menus and my shopping. Fasting seems to be an overwhelming part of Lent in the Orthodox Church. I try to justify not fasting, not involving food, "because it's not really about what's going in , it's about what's coming out of you", as in your words and actions, and prayers. I fool myself into thinking I'm "doing" Lent right by following the calendar "menu" daily. I can fool myself into thinking I'm doing it right when I cook "right." I can cook lentils into anything you want, man! Soup? I can make veggie soup out of any three ingredients in my fridge and like it. Why, I even buy organic, whole wheat noodles, transported in eco-friendly trucks, so there.
Lent approaches. I wonder what turmoil Satan has planned for our church family this year. Someone is losing a job this week, someone else will ______________ (fill in the blank). It never fails. He sits on our roof, peering in through the windows in the cupola, his eyes raking through the communicants, searching for an open space, a spot where he can whittle through and then destroy. Every year something happens that stretches our belief, flattens our spirits, makes us question why we do all this.
Satan, get thee behind me.
Lent approaches. Am I ready for it?
Psalm 85(86):1-7
Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my soul,
for I am holy;
O my God, save Your servant,
who hopes in You.
Have mercy on me, O lord.
for all the day long I will cry to You.
Gladden the soul of Your servant,
O Lord.
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For You, O Lord, are kind and good,
And very merciful to all who call upon You.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer,
And heed the voice of my supplication.
In the day of my affliction I cried to You,
For You heard me.
Dianne, a sinner
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