Why Don't I Run To God?

Yesterday I think I hit home with many people on how we all REALLY pray.   Distracted, half-awake, hardly believing it does anything anyway.  I say the words, wondering if God is really paying attention to anything I have to say.  Can he be bothered with me knocking on the door?  Why should He?  I'm standing there, distracted, half-awake, hardly believing. If one of my kids talked to me like that, I wouldn't listen either.
My mother said something quite profound at a study one night on communion.  She was raised Anglican, and continued in the Episcopal Church when she came to America.  Being liturgical is just part of her and my life.  Her thought was "Why do we all seem to hesitate when it's time to go to receive the cup?  Why aren't we all running up there, trying to get at it?"  I think it should be the same with prayer.   Why don't I stop what I'm doing to tell God thank you for things that I have, the health and wealth and family that I have, many times daily? Why don't I run to Him?  He has intervened and shown Himself in my life too many times to not believe, so why don't I treat Him better?   When I arrive at the great judgment seat of Christ, will he know who I am?  I believe my name is in the Book of Life, but probably written in small font, no flourishes, nothing to indicate that I deserve to be in there. I know I can't "earn" it in there, but maybe if I try harder, I can show up with less stain on my face, and less crust on my heart.
Look, I mean it,  go look.   Look in the Psalms for all the promises that God has made towards us. For the words to say when we can't think of anything to say.  Look at the words of Jesus,  read the Beatitudes.   God is standing right here with us, waiting for us to recognize and believe it. Waiting for us to run to him like a little kid with a flower for the teacher.  We need to acknowledge him with prayer.  Whispered words throughout our day.  We can start with this.

Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.   Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.  Lord, Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner. 

Psalm 50 (51)  (I found out what this means.  Psalm 9 is split into 9 and 10 in the Masoretic or Hebrew text, the Greek version combines 9 and 10, thus different numbering)

Have mercy on me , O God, according to Your great mercy;
And according to the abundance of Your compassion, blot out my transgression.
Wash me thoroughly from my lawlessness.
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my lawlessness,
And my sin is always before me
Against You only have I sinned.
And done evil in Your sight....
1-6a

Dianne, a sinner